Aging & Kids & Facebook & Wrinkles! [Archive]

fidgiegirl

2-9-11, 9:49am

I am home sick today and indulging in some Today Show. Right now they are talking about society's obsession with youth.

Meredith just says of aging: "I am afraid of becoming invisible." That really spoke to me but for a different reason. But what did it make me think? That's a big scary part of potential kids for me! DH and I are kidless and we see all these parents whose identities seem to completely revolve around their kids and I don't want that to be me. I get that kids are a central part of life, I really do. Maybe it's Facebook that exacerbates this perception - I have many SAHM peers who never post anything other than their kids antics or their household woes. NEVER their own interests or musings or hobbies. PLUS it's only women who engage in this Facebooking behavior. The men on my friend list rarely post anything about their kids or household lives. They seem to hold on to their own identity better than the women.

Plus I'm getting wrinkles and they are cranky, worried ones. Boo.

Good thing I'm home sick, methinks. :sick:

CathyA

2-9-11, 10:08am

You're probably just feeling bad about these other issues because you're sick. That happens to me when I'm sick.

But, speaking as a mother, what's wrong with our identities being tied up with our kids? That's what's supposed to happen. It doesn't mean our lives are empty or mindless because we didn't become the opera singer, ceo, inventor, explorer we dreamed of when we were younger. Yes, its good to have other interests that fill our lives, but being totally involved with our children doesn't mean we don't have "identities". You just can't relate to those identities and feel left out.
I'm not trying to be mean here. Alot goes missing when we just talk on the flat page.
The only problem I see with people who have no other interests, is when the children leave the home........then it can get challenging/depressing if the woman has too big a void. But while she's raising her kids...........that IS her life and I think most SAHMs are completely happy with that.
I hope you feel better soon!

fidgiegirl

2-9-11, 10:17am

I'm not trying to be mean here. Alot goes missing when we just talk on the flat page.

I know you're not, and I hope it's clear that I'm not, either. As they are making all their FB posts, they do seem very happy . . . I guess it's just hard to imagine me being that mom.

You're right, sick makes everything loom larger. :)

Rosemary

2-9-11, 10:24am

Before I had a baby, I would get holiday cards from friends with kids and the letters would be entirely about the kids. But I wanted to hear what my friends were doing!
When I was pregnant, a coworker who was about my age, male, with a young child or two, told me, "Your life is going to completely change."
Well, of course, I thought!
But I had no idea. Having kids really changes your life far more than anyone without kids can imagine.
And when they are quite young, it is difficult to carve time for yourself - with a new infant, having time to take a shower is a luxury. But year by year, it changes a little.
I wouldn't change any of the decisions I've made as a mom - having a child, quitting my career, staying home with DD, letting life revolve around here in those very young years. It is so very rewarding to have this relationship that I can't express it in words. And I hate to say it, but it is probably very difficult to comprehend for anyone who has not experienced it first-hand.

Hang in there with your friends. Their kids will grow, little by little, and they will carve out more time for themselves at the same time that they learn and grow with their children.

Rosemary

2-9-11, 10:35am

Two more thoughts. Or maybe more.
I am happier now than I have ever been, at any other stage in my life.
AND
I really enjoy my current age. I care less about what people think than I ever did before. So in the summer, when I wear my huge sunglasses to protect my light-sensitive eyes, and a big hat to keep the sun off, I can revel in being a comfortable geek, instead of being self-conscious as I was for SO many years. I enjoy myself far more now than I did when I was in college. I feel like my friends are truer and more authentic. Daily life is more rewarding and meaningful.

A segment of society may be youth-obsessed, but there are many other segments. That's not the one in which I live - my friends are much more focused on family, healthy activities, mindful living, and education than on appearances. But the morning news shows probably don't run those topics too often.

You're only invisible if you think of yourself that way. I know many confident women in their 60s & 70s who are far from invisible.

Stella

2-9-11, 10:57am

Another thought on the Facebook thing is that kids are generally not a contraversial subject. I am Facebook friends with everyone from Zach's grandma to people I lived with in a communal artists co-op in my twenties to my manager at work. Between the limitations of post sizes, the limitations of text communication and the diverse audience on Facebook it's just easier to keep a lot of otherwise interesting conversations offline or in other more focused venues.

On the topic of parenthood, I feel it's made me more "me" than before. My values and passions have crystallized in a way they probably wouldn't have for me otherwise. Everything I do is done with a love and meaning it don't used to have. I love sharing my love of learning and love of the world with my kids and they bring a fresh perspective and excitement to life that keeps it fresh and interesting.

Besides, if I am going to conquer the word I am going to need minions.

CathyA

2-9-11, 11:17am

Great replies Rosemary and Stella! :)

Bastelmutti

2-9-11, 11:19am

I get what you're saying, fidgiegirl. I was never a SAHM, although I do have kids. Whether on FB or off FB, I have a couple of friends who cannot talk about anything other than parenting. With one friend it's at an unhealthy level. Now, I know many happy SAHMs - at our stage in life, most of them have happily transitioned back to work now that the kids are older, but not all - who take the pros and cons in stride. But this one friend is letting SAHMing come before everything else, including her health. I think who you are as a SAHM (or any other type of parent) is an extension of your personality before kids. Maybe those friends you have were singularly focused on work or something else before having kids & now the focus has shifted to the kids? Others might have had a more "diversified" approach pre-kids & kept it after kids? This friend of mine was equally intense pre-kids, but about other things.

LOL, minions... I also agree about keeping a lot of FB comments uncontroversial & cute kid photos fit the bill.

fidgiegirl

2-9-11, 11:19am

I appreciate your perspectives. It does help to hear that this is how people view parenthood - that people are as happy - well, happier, really - than pre-kids.

Maybe I don't see firsthand enough of the happy goodness of one's own kids. I see the frazzled drop-off at daycare and my friends who are drowning in debt and kid costs and missing work once a week with sick kids. From the outside, I only see the hard parts. I also leave my job (working with kids) exhausted every day and the mere thought of having kids in all hours of my day is exhausting.

I hope no one is offended by my post. I'm feeling a little bad that I kind of just whipped it out and popped it up on the board. Whenever I do that I end up saying something to offend! :doh:

I am happy to have this community in which to pose these thoughts, though. I'll probably overthink this whole thing and never have kids. That'd be in keeping with the rest of my life, anyway! :~) I did actually read something about that once - that the longer people wait, the more comfortable they become with their kidless life and become less and less likely to change that. My DH is even older than me and less interested.

I once saw an ad for "Maybe Baby" therapy and laughed at it. But maybe I should sign up! :laff:

Kathy WI

2-9-11, 11:19am

I understand what you mean, because I didn't have a kid until I was almost 40. I didn't relate to the women who always yakked on and on about their kids then, but now I do. When you say that the women with kids don't talk about "their own musings, interests or hobbies" we actually are, because our kids are our current interest. Parents get into whatever their kids are into, and my circle of friends right now is the parents of the kids my son skates with. I feel out of the loop when people talk about the latest movies, their jobs and business trips, etc. which are things I can't relate to now and just seem boring.

Bastelmutti

2-9-11, 11:21am

PS Rosemary, I think I've also become a "comfortable geek" & I like it!

kib

2-9-11, 11:35am

I'm 47 and childless by choice. From this side of the pond ...

I believe that if you have kids and are a good parent, you will find them to be a really significant focus of your life and interest. Not necessarily the Only focus, but a big one. That's totally appropriate, and it seems that most people who choose to be parents are more-or-less fine with the idea of having a big identity/focus shift when their kids are born, many are totally devoted to the idea and await it eagerly. But if the idea of this shift makes you more anxious and depressed than excited, then perhaps kids are not for you. As far as I'm concerned, it's a blessing for all concerned when people take the time to be honest with themselves BEFORE they're committed to a choice.

Stella

2-9-11, 11:56am

Kelli, I for one am not at all offended.

I think bastelmutti's point about who you are prekid having a lot to do with who you are with kids. That would bode well for you Kelli as you seem like a person with a healthy work/life balance and a lot of your own interests.

What qualities are you afraid of losing? I know for me I worried about losing my spontenaiety and sense of adventure. I worried about my creative life and and love of the outdoors. What I have found is that those things I prize so highly have become the "flavour" that makes our family what it is. We're just a whole bunch of spontaneous, creative, adventurous people instead of just two of us.

JaneV2.0

2-9-11, 12:04pm

There's a lot about aging I don't like, but being invisible isn't one of them. (insert see-through smiley here)

Domestic issues of all kinds generally bore me silly, so I don't linger long where such conversations are taking place. My theory is that most people who disappear into their children (another form of invisibility) didn't have a well-defined persona to begin with. No boundaries, perhaps.

catherine

2-9-11, 12:48pm

I understand what Meredith meant when she said she doesn't want to become invisible. Sure, it's a state of mind, but it's also a reality in a way. One of my favorite articles on this topic is from Oprah's beauty editor, Valerie Monroe:

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Deal-with-Aging-Valerie-Monroe-on-Getting-Older

She describes that syndrome SO beautifully. I personally think that the whole thing is not just psychological, but biological. I am 58, and you'd be hard pressed to find many pheromones wafting around me. But that's cool--I've accepted the fact that many people are inclined to look right through me. That's their perogative.

This doesn't mean that WE have to FEEL invisible, however. For instance, my MIL became an outspoken advocate for her union at the age of 68. We can continue to project ourselves as loudly to the world as we want to.

As far as the kid thing goes--I think my daughter has those same fears of disappearing into the needs of her children (she doesn't have kids yet). All I can say is, unless you're a parent, it's hard to understand that the reality is not as soul-sucking as it might appear. It's actually the opposite for most of us parents. But I have to admit, those Facebook parent postings annoy me, too, sometimes.

pinkytoe

2-9-11, 1:10pm

One of the great things about being older is that you have some perspective about these things. Having and raising kids is just another one of the steps through life and in retrospect, it all passes so very quickly. Now that I am older, I think I was kind of vacuous and self-absorbed as a younger woman pre-children. One thing I can say about being a parent - you don't really have time to be self-absorbed even if you want to be. One or the other usually suffers. I kind of miss the immersion into parenthood but I am also glad it is over. I like this stage of life (mid-50s) a lot - I feel like a teenager with wisdom. Things make sense now. I know many will disagree but I am so glad I had mine at a younger age because it left me some time on this end for re-discovery. I would hate to be 56 as I am now and still raising teenagers. Strangely enough, I am not in a hurry to be a grandmother though as I hear some women lament.

fidgiegirl

2-9-11, 1:46pm

We're just a whole bunch of spontaneous, creative, adventurous people instead of just two of us.

There's a lot about aging I don't like, but being invisible isn't one of them. (insert see-through smiley here)

I got some giggles out of these two quotes. :) Post-nap, I must be feeling better about the world. It helps also to have many listeners.

Catherine, I enjoyed the article. I believe that may have been what she was after.

As far as qualities I'm afraid to lose, perhaps balance. Perhaps being able to be quiet and calm if that's what I need at that moment, or active and go-get-'em. I guess that's not so much a quality as a personal freedom. I'm afraid we won't be able to travel anymore, or that our rewarding and fulfilling marriage will take a faaaar back seat to children. But I suppose all of these would have remedies if they are known and faced - well, maybe not being calm whenever you want? :)

jennipurrr

2-9-11, 3:46pm

Hey Kelli...I totally get where you are coming from! I am terrified that if I have kids my conversations will turn into what color the poo is that day, KWIM!?! DH and I are still totally on the fence...we have so many things we want to do, places we want to travel that it does kind of concern me that some of the things I consider core values may change so that the kids can have a relatively normal and sheltered (in a good way) existence.

Someone wrote on here (well on the old board) about the concept of incubators and integrators with regards to how you approach children in your life. I am probably butchering the concept, but incubators create a bubble with all things children safe and center while integrators tend to just include kids in their preexisting life. In my family (and DH's although he is not a great example of childhood anything) my sister and I were raised by integrators so a lot of this "child is the center of the entire universe and I cannot get away for any reason nor can precious snowflake deal with situation" is so foreign to me. My parents' didn't hesitate to "dump" us off with grandparents for a weekend away or drag us along to parties (where kids were welcome, of course). I excelled in just an OK school. A lot of friends with kids can't do any of this stuff, but then I see some that do. I think personally, I need those outside interests in my life and want to include my kids, expose them to the world. Sorry, I've gotten a bit rambly...just something on my mind a lot lately...I've never really had that clock ticking feeling until as of late, so egh, I guess its just my about to hit the 3-0 existential crisis.

Bastelmutti

2-9-11, 4:18pm

I think that incubator/integrator concept makes a lot of sense.

Bastelmutti

2-9-11, 4:19pm

I like this stage of life (mid-50s) a lot - I feel like a teenager with wisdom. Things make sense now. I know many will disagree but I am so glad I had mine at a younger age because it left me some time on this end for re-discovery. I would hate to be 56 as I am now and still raising teenagers. Strangely enough, I am not in a hurry to be a grandmother though as I hear some women lament.

Nice to hear that - I will be very early 50s when my youngest leaves the nest. PS I do want to be a younger grandma, though! :-)

ApatheticNoMore

2-10-11, 2:23am

I think the integrator view is generally more healthy. Integrated into the rest of life. The thing is, kids more easily integrate into some lives than others. If your life consists of getting smashed every weekend - not so much so. If your life is a highly respected mid-level management position where you regularly work 80 hour weeks - again not so much so.

Now the ugly truth here is kids don't even integrate all that well into a mere 40 hour a week job (and how many 40 hour jobs *really* limit themselves to 40 hours?). It's pretty draining I'd think. A lot of things don't integrate well around the 40 hour work week, including going back to school to change careers while working. But people find ways to make it happen anyway, kids or school or whatever, at a price of course. Now one may, if they can manage it financially, cut back on working for kids, but I wouldn't suggest giving up that which you really value in life for them (hobbies you love, or if your career is important to you even doing it part-time etc.). It sets a bad example for the kids to give up what you are for them. There's no example for them of people just pursuing what they love for themselves.

You don't of course have to have kids. If you have no strong desire for them, I'm sure you can find a million reasons not to have them (the planet is too populated, pains of childbirth, my career, the world today is a messed up one to raise kids in, finances, etc. etc.). And if you really have no strong desire for kids maybe you should listen to those reasons.

My impression of my parents marriage always was of some sort of couples Eden, interrupted by the snake in the form of: "guess what? I'm preggers!". That the old days were still longed for was felt palpably. It wasn't pleasant.

Yes but I exist :moon:

lhamo

2-10-11, 5:03am

There are also certain kinds of people who tend to use facebook and other social media as a method to try to show to the world how perfect they and their lives are. They are kind of the adult correlary of the "popular kid" crowd in high school. There is never a problem, never a stress, just endless updates about how glorious their lives are and how beautiful and talented their kids are, and how generally wonderful and perfect life it. I would guess that probably 99% of them are as fake as you can imagine they must be. I mean, really -- nothing is all perfect all the time.

You should try reading some of the "bad mommy" blogs out there to get a bit of balance -- and try to find some "bad mommy" friends, too! I'm happy to be a virtual one :) I love my kids and have a pretty great life, all things considered, but I can turn up the volume on the b*tching speaker pretty loud sometimes and when I post on Facebook it is almost always about something I have read or heard on NPR that I am interested in sharing and discussing. My evil confession for this week: I have been home alone since Sunday, while my DH and kids are at his parents, and I have LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Nobody kicking me in bed or whining about this or that. I got to watch a movie I wanted to watch, eat what I wanted for dinner, and didn't have to read anything to anyone but myself. I have talked with my kids and husband every day, and I do miss them, but I am sure glad to have had this alone time. And I look forward to having even more over the next couple of weeks, as I have a couple of business trips that will take me out of town overnight, one of them for a whole week. Personally I don't think there is any reason to pretend to anyone - not even my husband and family -- that I feel any different. When they come back I will tell them how much I missed them, but also how much I enjoyed having a little time to nyself. DH and I always seem to get along better after one of us has been away for a few days, and I find the same is usually true with the kids. Family of introverts...

Anyway, that is a long rambling way of saying it's ok and you can be whatever kind of mom you want -- or not. The fact that you are here is already a sign that you like to think for yourself and are willing to live outside the mainstream, so go for it. Kids or no kids, you choose the life you want to lead. And even if you're somebody's mom, you aren't going to stop being you and turn into some zombified fidgiegirl clone unless you let yourself. And we certainly won't let that happen! Your SLN friends will pull you back to the "dark side" if you start slipping over into Stepford town, so don't worry.

HOpe you feel better soon!

lhamo

Rosemary

2-10-11, 8:12am

I agree that the most interesting part of Facebook is the discussions that can result from an interesting article or thought that someone posts.

Stella

2-10-11, 9:09am

But I suppose all of these would have remedies if they are known and faced - well, maybe not being calm whenever you want?

:) Yeah that one is harder to work out, but it is possible to find some calm and quiet daily.

I was just putting together some collages of our trips from last year and thought of your post. Travel is one of our loves too and we have been able to integrate the kids into it without too much trouble. When the girls were little we took trips up the California coast, to Vegas, home to Minneapolis (we lived in L.A. at the time) and to St Louis (where we met Iris Lily).
Last year we took three trips and I went to California by myself. This year we have another three trips planned and next year we're planning to do another 2-3. My sister and mom took my 9 year old nephew to Spain last year and by the end of the trip he was the one hailing their cabs, calling to have their luggage taken out to the car and planning outings. Mom is planning to take the girls and me to Europe when they are about 8 and 9 years old too. Hey my cousin moved with his four kids to Guam for a year to take advantage of an internship. :P They're more portable than people make them out to be.

As far as the time with your husband, that can defintely be arranged. We're in a unique situation because my dad lives with us and we can leave anytime after the kids go to bed at 8PM, but date nights are a big part of our lives. I was looking at our account to tally up how much our coffees out are costing us and I'm almost embarassed to tell you that we've been on a date about every third day in the last month or so. :|( Not so frugal, maybe, but fun.

I agree with the intergrators/insultors concept, although I think a lot of people who eventually become integrators seem like insulators the first year or so of parenthood just because it takes some adjustment.

In addition to "bad mommy" blogs and cyber friends, check out some sites of people who have interesting lives with their kids. I like the Walk Slowly Live Wildly blog about the family who until recently traveled the country in their RV. There used to be a guy, John Anderson, who posted here that had a blog about his unconventional life with his family. They traveled to China, Egypt, England and several other cool places.

Oh, and the PBS documentary Ice Blink. Loved that one.

http://iceblinksail.com/

Float On

2-10-11, 9:41am

Meredith just says of aging: "I am afraid of becoming invisible."

Part of her statement I think comes from being in front of a camera. An actress friend of ours told us it was a hard reality wake up call when the only film offers she gets anymore are for mom or grandma roles instead of the love interest roles.

As far as children go. We didn't want them. Told everyone we didn't want kids ---ever. 6 years later we changed our mind and had two babies in a row. Quite a change for someone who couldn't even stand the idea of babysitting. I still won't hold other peoples babies - just not interested. Thought I'd be a horrible mom but I'm not. I'm really glad there are a lot of different stages to life.

Gregg

2-10-11, 10:28am

I'm on Facebook exclusively for my kids. It lets me keep track of all their friends that were such big parts of our lives when they were all growing up. I love that aspect of social networking, but if not for that I would not even consider joining. I don't keep track of anyone my own age through that particular medium.

Regarding aging, kids and "becoming invisible"... I've been pretty invisible to anyone outside my family and circle of close friends my whole life. Those relationships are solid enough that I'm comfortable saying invisibility will never happen there and I really don't care about it otherwise. Kids add an interesting perspective on aging. Religious beliefs aside, having kids is the one glimpse of immortality I expect to have. Aging is always frustrating. More aches and pains, can't physically perform the way I could 20 years ago, wrinkles and some gray showing through, etc. I can, and do, fight it, but time will win. It helps immensely to realize that I know how to do things now that I was clueless about 20 years ago and that, ultimately, those are the things that will leave the world a better place more than comparing how fast I can ski or how accurately I can throw a ball.

HappyHiker

2-10-11, 11:07am

Interesting topic..I've friends with kids and lots with grandkids..and yes, often the topic is focused on them..being 'child-free' by choice, I sometimes feel out of the loop with little to contribute...I mean, they don't want to hear how my dog peed on the carpet again do they?

But I enjoy hearing about a world that's new to me and have formed some close bonds with several of their grandkids and love watching them bloom and grow--so quickly, it's amazing, from infant to walking and talking almost overnight it seems. A wonder, quite miraculous, this blooming of a human.

But I have another group of friends who are also child-free, and with them I get to talk about creativity, how their art projects, writing, acting or photography is progressing. Love their creativity process. Their struggles to find a market for their works is a shared journey.

And yes, growing older in our culture is very interesting..it's been a much easier journey for me since I left youth-worshipping California and came into a community where my friendships include women 15 years younger than me to 15 years older...so many juicy older women here doing wonderful adventures. One woman I know in her 70's just did a week long bicycle camping trip by herself. She also counsels inmates at a local prison on Buddhism--at their request. She's so alive, vital, involved and contributing, I love spending time with her.

Having wise and adventurous older women role models for friends, I've found, is very nurturing and supportive. They make me realize there are many shapes to aging and I want to emulate their shape.

Me, I try to pass on the mentoring, and be a role model for several younger women just now going through their menopause journeys...

I do go on, sorry, but this topic is so rich and interesting, isn't it? Personally, I fully believe our world needs--indeed, cries out--for more older women speaking and acting out our truth. There's a native American prophecy that says:

"When Grandmothers speak, the earth will be healed."

Instead of allowing ourselves to be marginalized as older women, instead of becoming invisible, I think we should become very, very visible and speak out, to participate in our communities, to help heal our troubled world and to right the injustices.

ApatheticNoMore

2-10-11, 11:31am

People's discussion of their kids does bore me. And people talk about it in a way they would never talk about their hobbies. Not just to friends but to acquaintances, coworkers etc... If the conversation among acquaintances that are not close died noone thinks "oh I know I'll talk about how my piano lessons are coming along", but somehow everyone thinks of filling the dead air with their kids (whom you've maybe met once, again we're talking acquaintances not even close friends).

Aging: it's hard not to give up on yourself. "Oh, I'll just gain a lot of weight etc. anyway, because I have a 3 in front of my age and EVERYONE KNOWS you can't be attractive after 29 anyway, etc. So what's the point, why try? Trying would be ridiculous would it not?" I can mostly ignore that now, such depressive thoughts used to settle in deeper when I first reached my 3's :). And make no mistake while a man may not think about ageing until he hits 40 or 50, a woman thinks about it when she hits 30 almost always.

herbgeek

2-10-11, 11:48am

I am childfree by choice. I've had both types of mommy friends, but the ones who's have endured have been the integrator type.

Sometimes when we get so enmeshed/consumed by a particular phase in our life, whether that be kids, or preparation for a marathon, we forget to ask about others, or forget that there is another world out there. I went to one mommy party a long time ago, and since I couldn't talk about my kids, I opted to talk about something that was currently in the news. The mom I was talking to be said "if it doesn't happen in my backyard, it doesn't matter" and then walked away from me. That was the incubator/insulator type.

My three closest GF's are all moms that I used to work with, and they all have their own interests in addition to their kids and what their kids are interested in.

Stella

2-10-11, 11:54am

And make no mistake while a man may not think about ageing until he hits 40 or 50, a woman thinks about it when she hits 30 almost always.

I have to admit I don't get that. IIRC you and I and fidgiegirl are close to the same age (I'm 32) and I felt like 30 represented real adulthood, but not aging in any way. I do hear a lot of friends my age tossing around the "I feel old" thing and I just don't get it.

It feels so freeing to me to be in my 30s. Finally it's socially acceptable for people to look at who I am as a person first and what I look like second. People give a rip about what I have to say because I finally have a few years of adulthood under my belt. I feel like this is where I've wanted to be since I was 12 years old. :) I wouldn't go back to my teens for all the money in the world and while the twenties were a fun ride, I'm glad to be a little more settled. I don't even think of my mom, who is in her 60s, as old. 60 is the new 40, she tells me. Hell yes, that means 30 is the new 10. :) I get to ride my bike and play with legos and blow s**t up when grown ups aren't looking. And nobody even tells me that I have to go to bed anymore. :D

Rosemary

2-10-11, 2:30pm

I'm with Stella 100% on this one. So far no birthdays have caused me any pain. I have found my 30s and early 40s to be freeing as well.

fidgiegirl

2-10-11, 6:47pm

you aren't going to stop being you and turn into some zombified fidgiegirl clone unless you let yourself. And we certainly won't let that happen! Your SLN friends will pull you back to the "dark side" if you start slipping over into Stepford town, so don't worry.

:D Trying to picture the zombified fidgiegirl :D You gave me a giggle.

And make no mistake while a man may not think about ageing until he hits 40 or 50, a woman thinks about it when she hits 30 almost always.

The gray isn't helping me much on this one :0! My husband very kindly says it's blonde, but I know better. That said . . .

It feels so freeing to me to be in my 30s. Finally it's socially acceptable for people to look at who I am as a person first and what I look like second. People give a rip about what I have to say because I finally have a few years of adulthood under my belt. I feel like this is where I've wanted to be since I was 12 years old. :)

Very much in agreement with this sentiment, too. I'm a reasonably intelligent person and always hated when I was younger that I would be dismissed out of hand simply because of my age. Boo.