Inaction

[fidgiegirl]

I have been having this vague feeling of guilt lately over my inaction in my community. I have so many concerns, see so many ways to help, and can't seem to bring myself to commit to any of them. :(

There's a Girl Scout group I'm interested in co-leading, but reluctant to take on the commitment.

I enjoyed the community band I was in before we took on the house project, but the practices are on Sunday night and frankly, hauling a tuba across a dark, snowy, icy road in January stinks.

I'm still excited about the dog training/therapy dog idea, but getting our butts to the classes is hard.

I'd say this is maybe one of the first times in my life that I'm just working and that's it. No classes (well, we did just finish obedience), no outside projects or groups, no nothin'. It's weird.

I used to be super duper active as a teen and young adult. I think I wore myself out, to be honest . . . and am still recovering.

I'm trying to take to heart the advice that's been shared here on the forums to just BE . . . it's enough to just do my life . . . but for some reason, it's been bothering me lately.

[Tammy]

Push thru the guilt, and soon you will be able to feel ok with "just working". I'm finally there. It's awesome to do a great job at work, and then just take care of me the rest of the time.

First thought - a job is a huge thing. Giving your all to a job is all you need to give. Nothing more is required.

Second - I've found that I do a better job at my work this way. Instead of getting thru work in order to get to all my other commitments, I am focused on my work.

Third - I am more clearly aware of my feelings and opinions since getting away from the guilt-induced volunteering. I actually know if I want to do something extra now that I don't feel driven to say yes to everything.

I'm so much happier since I've said no as my default answer to everything, unless its something I really want to do.

[Jilly]

Well, you could start out easy by helping a couple of nights each month with a meal program. Cooking, serving, helping people, cleaning up, all that jazz.

If you have time during one day during weekdays, Mentoring Partnership in Minnesota would be thrilled to match you to one of their programs. Mentoring is my favorite of the several volunteer gigs I have each week.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I don't think one has an obligation to volunteer. A utopia of volunteering, even if such were highly desirable (and it might be for many reasons) will not be acheived in a society with the type of work schedules we have. I've seen enough first hand to have concluded that. But I really don't see community involvement as something so negative that "whew, glad that is out of the way, glad I dont' have to do that anymore!". Unlike work it brings me a measure of fulfillment, of belonging, of making a difference, real satisfaction. Feelings that at most I find for a few days in a year at jobs.

As a teacher if you feel you must voluteer you could probably just say you are going to do it in the summer. Whether or not you keep your promise well haha :)

[pinkytoe]

There are so many things I would like to do and be involved in besides work but I have found that by the time I get ready for, go to, do my 8 hours and return (at least 10 hours a day) plus keep up with a house, paperwork and pets...I don't have a lot of energy (much less time) to do extracurriculars. For the paast couple of years, I have been taking birding and landscaping classes and doing related volunteer work. Meanwhile, my own yard has turned into a mess so getting that back in shape is my new project - nothing else for the time being. I guess these urges to do more go in cycles but for now - I am backing down from outside activities and taking care of my own backyard so to speak.

[herbgeek]

I've done plenty of volunteering in the past, I figure its time for someone else to get a chance. But I do still have that vaguely guilty feeling of which you speak.

Lately, I think the Universe is reinforcing that I've done enough, because the last few things I tried to do, the volunteer coordinator made it impossible, or there were other large obstacles in my way. If you are going to make it such a hassle for me to contribute, you better be paying me.

[iris lily]

Remember that much of what exists in the volunteer world does not really need to exist.

Any group of enthusiasts who get together, based on their mutual passions, is great! Great for them individually, great for the community! Sometimes wonderful things result from those collaborations. But when that passion dies out, so be it. Another one will inevitably take its place. Human passions come and go, it is the nature of our psyche.

I am SO bloody sick and tired of the whining and guilt tripping that goes on in my hobby groups. My philosophy is this: If you provide value to the community, THEY WILL COME. If you are an outdated albatross you will die out. And that is ok.

Think of all of the organizations that once thrived and are now outdated, dead. In particular I think of the "lodges" in all of the small towns across American. Who actually joins a "lodge" now? It is so outdated, another social trend that came and went. Want to be an Oddfellow? A Rainbow Girl? I think not.

[Kestra]

I get that nagging feeling as well. I agree, working should be enough, but sometimes it's just a bit of variety you need. I recently found a volunteer thing that is working out pretty good for me, so the guilt is quieter. I think it's important to find something that really fits your personal needs - whether that is flexibility, a particular field of interest, a break from work type stuff, close to home, whatever.

What ended up working out for me is I help out a couple hours a week at a smallish private not-for-profit cat shelter. Why it works well:
- since I'm a vet tech by trade (but don't work in clinics anymore) I have a more senior position there and use my medical skills - giving vaccines, medicating, exams etc (nothing illegal, don't worry).
- I don't just feed/clean all the time. Of course that stuff is important but I've been taking care of animals for over 20 years, so I'd feel over-qualified just to do that.
- Because it's a small place I have a good relationship with the owner and if I can't make a shift because of work or illness I just tell them and don't feel pressured to show up. I figure they can have my help around my schedule or not at all. There's no other techs volunteering there.
- My husband is very allergic to cats so there is no temptation to take them all home
- The cats don't have owners and dealing with clients stresses me out. Shelter medicine is a lot more relaxed than vet clinic medicine and I enjoy it a lot more.
- the location is really close to my work and on bus routes so I can get there without a car

So, if you do something, make sure it doesn't add stress to your life too much. Volunteering shouldn't be super hard when you're working a real job as well.

[try2bfrugal]

Why don't you just join a few clubs but don't sign up to be an officer or anything with set responsibilities. Then you can just go to meetings, classes and field trips each month or volunteer for one off activities when you have the time and energy.

[iris lily]

Also my volunteer karma cup is full at the moment and I can rest on those laurels. I ran a very successful first time fund raising event this year for the Park Conservancy here, and had fun doing it. I actually have another idea for a winter fundraiser, but will let a year go by before I dip my toe into that water.

I also know what my lily Society has to do to keep financially afloat, and frankly, I'm not willing to do it, so I will not be bringing it up to the group. After I'm retired--sure, I'll sit at the Farmer's Market every Saturday, selling potted lilies. But until everyday is a vacation day I will not be giving up my Saturdays.

[Tussiemussies]

Just being a good person and citizen is serving your community, in my opinion. Maybe there will be a time in the future when you can do things, maybe it's just time for a break right now?

[SimplyL]

Fidge - such a good topic. I understand your gnawing feeling to contribute more. However, I agree that there are times in our lives that we must just Be.

Over my years, I've donated so many hours of my time. Community volunteering, church volunteering, volunteering for fellow military families in various capacities. This is a time in my life where aside from reading a book to a classroom now and then or sending in a plate of cookies to church, I'm content with just Being. That's all I can give, between my health, husband's schedule, and two children.

I just have to say that simplicity applies to ALL aspects of life, including volunteerism.
..and I realized several years ago, when signing up for a role with our new command's Family Support Group, that some organizations just do not apply that 'work smarter not harder' philosphy. I think sometimes we become involved in projects where the chief organizers just A) have this unrealistic ideal or B) intregal members just want to fill up their time, creating complex protocols that lead to so many hours that no one can possibly maintain and still be a cheerful giver.

That has been my issue with volunteering, so if you really feel this pull.. be selective in what you realistically can contribute. Take careful consideration of how the group is organized and whether they seem to be working efficiently. If they begin describing enthusiastically a ridiculous number of steps to get one project accomplished, yet it's something you really want to participate with, be blunt in what you can do - and nothing more.

Let me give you an example:
My husband's work participates in fundraising. Recently, the group was addressing everyone committing essentially their only off Sunday each month to do a project fundraiser. This is absolutely ridiculous. The guys are training to deploy, off time should be a priority. So, my husband and another person crunched numbers. They realized they could earn and meet their goal doing a different fundraiser on designated work days or night shift folks coming in an hour before their shift, during lunch breaks (and they can still grab a sandwich during break) with people rotating and make the same goal. That's being efficient. That's giving people the opportunity to participate without it becoming a burden. There was also the factor that the goal in mind for the project that they were doing, was completely unrealistic. And that was because a chief organizer already had it in their head what the result would be.

I have a relative that is a 'fill up her time' person. She becomes involved in these volunteer projects that keeps her up until midnight or later. She has overlaps on her calendar, and she's exhausted. You can be passionate about a cause and give back without it sapping the life out of you. When I ask her about her volunteer work, she talks in circles. That's because they all are not streamlined and have so many unnecessary steps.

Volunteering should fill you up, enhance your life, not sap you of it.

Let us know what you decide. I hope that you can find balance with this or find peace with just Being.

[Dhiana]

Just being a good person and citizen is serving your community, in my opinion. Maybe there will be a time in the future when you can do things, maybe it's just time for a break right now?

+1

[Rosemary]

There is a huge array of volunteer opportunities available - some take a fair amount of time, some can consume your life, and some take minimal time. But don't volunteer because you feel guilty -- volunteer because you WANT to. If something seems like too much of a commitment, talk to the other volunteers about how you can limit your time. Tell them how much time you have - for instance, for the Girl Scouts, how many hours per week or month can you give?

In my experience it's much better to state your time limits up front, because it is really annoying when a volunteer job goes beyond one's time expectations or when the people in charge of the volunteer assignments continue to ask for or expect more and more.

[fidgiegirl]

Thanks to all of you. I didn't realize how many people had this feeling, and it's comforting to know I'm not the only one.

Yes, Iris Lily, I've puzzled over the idea that people should want to be in x group, even if no one really does. I've had that be the case with several teaching orgs. And then one, I was "personally invited" to be the state coordinator. Well, EVERYONE who pays to be in the group (which is a teeny 20 people) should have been invited to seek the position. I said no, and now the woman is stuck doing the state level and the regional level. I suggested she put it out there but she realllllly wants to hand pick the person. I had a lot of interest in that group over the years and was squashed down and kept in line, so to speak, and now I don't wanna do it.

I also have to face the fact that perhaps some of the volunteering I mentioned might deep down be not because of time or anything like it, but that I just don't want to do that kind of volunteering right now. Need to be honest with myself when seeking these kinds of opportunities.

It's interesting, what gets me most fired up is networking people. Like, if a teacher needs art materials, putting her in touch with other art teachers or a cool art store I know. I should bear that in mind in the future.

[sweetana3]

And realize that controlling people create their own issues in groups. I have disassociated myself from on charity group that I worked with for years due to the personality conflicts and dramatic personality changes of the very controlling member. A friend and I just went out and tested another group and joined when we found it welcoming and that it met our needs.

My issue is fundraising. Too many times I have found myself just being used soley to get money and it was not the focus of my volunteer interest. Also a couple of groups have pressed me to become some kind of leader without my being comfortable with knowing members or group dynamics/history. I spent over 30 years at work staying away from any form of management and don't want to be pressed to do it in volunteer groups. So with this history, I am very careful to choose those activities that meet my needs and that I feel I can comfortably support.

There were times, like when husband was working full time, going to university full time and I was working full time, that I had no hours in the week to devote to any other activities. We even got rid of the TV because we needed to devote our time to the family.

[citrine]

I know what you mean, I feel the same way at times....then I volunteer to lead an AA event and end up cursing myself out because of all the silly personality conflicts and such!
Enjoy your time right now, work on your home, your job....if you still feel this way in 3 months, then do something about it!

[iris lily]

...I just have to say that simplicity applies to ALL aspects of life, including volunteerism...

and

...I realized several years ago... that some organizations just do not apply that 'work smarter not harder' philosphy. I think sometimes we become involved in projects where the chief organizers just A) have this unrealistic ideal or B) intregal members just want to fill up their time, creating complex protocols that lead to so many hours that no one can possibly maintain and still be a cheerful giver.



oh yeh, THIS. So much THIS.

Complex protocals, people married to idea s that "it MUST be done this way" and etc. This kills volunteering.

[puglogic]

I was actually blogging about that today, how I will not litter my free time with multiple volunteer gigs, boards, committees, blah blah blah.

I had to choose one thing -- just one -- to keep on volunteering for, just because I want to stay involved but I'm needing more open space in my life.

And today, a big joy hit, as that one volunteer gig paid off, as the grant application we all slaved over hit paydirt, and we were awarded a huge local grant to develop our community garden here. We went from zero in our coffers to complete garden funding for 2013, just like that. I'm stunned.

So I'll stay with that one, because I enjoy it, because I can choose not to be involved in every single activity, but also because the way it does my heart good to help with what I know how to do tips the scales for me. It's a part of my inner landscape, that needing to be connected to something that matters (besides my work).

I also wouldn't feel guilty about taking some time off EVERYTHING, though, Fidgie. Heck, you've done so much good in your life!!! When you've recovered and feel like doing something, maybe a few hours one day a month would be a good start?

[steve s]

My two cents.

(1) Keep with the community band. After ten years as stage manager, I missed a meeting and was elected president of my community band. I hope I will be of some use in that position. Not sure just yet.

(2) Do what you think will be useful and you won't terribly mind doing.