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View Full Version : I admit I lost my temper with my kid


Zoe Girl
11-19-12, 9:50am
Yup, well those who have teens probably won't judge.

My kids are very comfortable with me. I have run the family on openness and practices such as family meetings to simply organize the busyness and deal with issues. One of the suprising side effects is that they use pretty bad language around me. I got the change made over a year ago to make them use 'fuzzy bunny' instead of the bad word. That was a big step. They don't like it but they do it. Really they don't seem to understand it.

So then my daughter was saying something rude when talking to her siblings when I was in the room so I reacted to it. She took it harder than I expected but actually that is good. I have had enough, I hear that I need more control over what these kids do in my house and lovely talks don't do much so addressing it as soon as it happens seems best. Her big sister moved back in with a sailor mouth that has pretty much stopped so I feel good about that. We have even seen an improvement in her constant anger and defensiveness, that took a more gentle approach.

Still back and forth, they are upset I didn't order things their brother wanted to give them as gifts a month ago and I have been forgetting. Seems there is always something needing to be done. i did tell them bluntly that I amnot getting everything done at work and am getting in trouble so they really MUST do the chores I am asking for. We will see, honestly when I could put them in time out or take away dessert this was easier. But I am ending on a positive that there has been improvement!
Mrs-M
11-19-12, 2:02pm
Been there- done that. Lost my temper (many times) with both teens, and tots. With tots, a spanking usually ensued, with teens, a grounding. Learning to put your foot down as a parent is important. Kids need that.
Stella
11-19-12, 2:30pm
I don't have teens yet, but I don't know a single parent of a kid over two years old who hasn't lost their temper at some point. No judgement here, that's for sure.
redfox
11-19-12, 2:47pm
Since you're the only parent ever to do this, I am now writing you off as... human. Never ask me the full story of when I flung a manilla folder full of school photos at my then 18 year old stepdaughter & fled the house shrieking, slamming the door, and calling her father to come home from work to intervene lest blood be drawn... I decompensated to a 13 year old. Not a pretty sight...

I get it, and it can be very painful reflecting upon losing it with our kids... Hugs, m'dear.
Gardenarian
11-19-12, 2:51pm
(((hugs))))
I am sure there are parents who never get angry, and I wish I were one of them!
I think my daughter needs a good blow-up now and then. We have our little scream-fest and then everything is back to normal.
redfox
11-19-12, 3:49pm
(((hugs))))
I am sure there are parents who never get angry, and I wish I were one of them!
I think my daughter needs a good blow-up now and then. We have our little scream-fest and then everything is back to normal.

I cannot imagine a parent who does not get angry. There are many ways to express it, obviously. Anger is a part of the human experience!
Zoe Girl
11-20-12, 7:55pm
Yeah, well the funny thing about this is that I am not at all feeling bad. Not even a tiny bit. And I have had melt downs where I really do feel bad but this was not one of them. I think that is a good step in my 'assertive year' (my overall goal since mid summer is to be more assertive). I think it has to do with me feeling I didn't totally lose control, that always feels like crap
Mrs-M
11-20-12, 8:01pm
I think if we as parents remember that we're only human, the job of accepting our faults and shortfalls/shortcomings, is much easier, knowing that we, too, are just as infallible as our dear children (at times).

So far in my travels, I have yet to read (anywhere) that parenting is easy. :)

P.S. Pleasantly laughing and smiling right now over the thought of how much easier it was when I could "crib" my kids when I reached my "enough" or "breaking point". No need to dust bottoms or stomp my feet (LOL), just place unruly child in his or her crib for a time to allow mommy to gather her composure once again.
artist
11-21-12, 7:36am
Improvement is a good thing. Focus on just one thing at a time, get throught that "issue" and then add another. I found that if I kept requests and such simple, my son could remember them and stick with the plan. He also didn't feel like I was "ganging up" on him because I just asked for one thing. Once he was comfortable with that, I would ask for something else. If I gave him a list of things it overwhelmed him and he got defensive. At 19, he's much better at taking things in stride than he used to be.
Zoe Girl
11-21-12, 1:02pm
Yeah each is so unique. my oldest was the one who lived the longest with her dad and I married, whenever I got assertive about how he treated me it seemed to roll downhill to her, after we divorced I didn't have much of an effect trying to stop that from happening. So that is one part of how we interact, she is really defensive at times and I can see how much she protects herself with the tough attitude and bad langauge. I get some grief for not being harder on them but it is a process. So with her I remind myself to tell her good things and hold a firm line.