Secret Santas At Work

[SiouzQ.]

I decided to opt out of this little ritual and at first I felt weird doing so because I wasn't following the group. I have since realized that others opted out too, so I wasn't the lone grinch! The gift limit was $10 - $15; I thought about it for a few minutes and decided that it just wasn't worth my time, money and energy to pick out a gift for a co-worker I may barely know (we have about 50 employees in the entire deli)! I have a hard enough time doing the gift thing for people in my immediate family and may in fact suggest once again skipping the gift-giving ritual except for the kids in the family under 18.


What are your stories and experiences about the whole Secret Santa thing in the work place? Something like this works a lot better in a smaller work setting, I think. When I was at working a the bead store, the holiday party/gift giving was a really fun because we knew each other so well and we knew our gifts of handmade beaded or knit items would be appreciated! We also had a "white elephant" gift game which was so hilarious! I once got a broken cash register! My one friend ended up with one of those horrible teacher gifts of a really tacky kitchen towel and coffee mug sets. We would just howl with laughter at these at all of this.

[iris lily]

My experience is that these stupid gift exchanges pile more worthless pieces o' crap in to my home.

I could understand bead makers giving artisan gifts, that might be ok. But see, I don't wear necklaces, hate them. Don't wear bracelets. I'd only accept earrings. So already I've opted out of that (fantasy though it is, haha.)

About your family--make this be the year where you say "next year I won't be participating in gift exchanges with adults." You don't suggest or ask, you tell. That's the only way to get out of it. You act only for yourself, you are not trying to control the actions of the group. And once you drop out, others will, too.

[treehugger]

I've never done a Secret Santa at work, and would opt out without any regrets if one was ever organized where I work. But White Elephants among good friends are really fun.

Kara

[iris lily]

I've never done a Secret Santa at work, and would opt out without any regrets if one was ever organized where I work. But White Elephants among good friends are really fun.

Kara

Agreed, I've had some fun at the White Elephant events.

[Laser_Cat]

I 100% agree with Iris, I normally end up with something that I can't use and clutters up my apartment. I would love it if it was a baked good or coffee or just something I could use up, but sadly, normally it's not. Same goes with regular holiday gifts, I find it's hard to convince people to give me something that I can use up vs a trinket or a book =P I could do away with gift giving completely during the holiday. Bring on the food, board games and hanging out with family!

[SteveinMN]

I think it's really hard to do a good Secret Santa with a few dozen people. How can you possibly know anyone well enough within a scheduled work environment? Plus you end up spending your hard-earned $$ on people who don't like this or that (how could you know??) and don't seem willing to acknowledge the effort put into shopping (or maybe no effort was put in at all). Anyway...

One of the best Secret Santas I was ever part of occurred in a much earlier life. It was a group of maybe two dozen of us. We were to buy a toy or item of clothing that somehow reflected your recipient's personality (for instance, I received an Etch-a-Sketch because I was always carrying around a portable computer (http://search.dilbert.com/comic/Etch%20A%20Sketch); a co-worker who talked a lot (too much) got a Chatty Cathy doll. The gifts were presented to the recipients one by one, with the giver describing how they had arrived at their choice of gift. After the gift-giving (and a ton of laughter), the gifts were taken to the kids at a local shelter. Lots of fun, no need to accommodate another object in your life, and a chance to give a gift to someone who likely wouldn't get one (or as nice of one).

[SiouzQ.]

Now that's an really great idea, Steve!

[mtnlaurel]

One of the best Secret Santas I was ever part of occurred in a much earlier life. It was a group of maybe two dozen of us. We were to buy a toy or item of clothing that somehow reflected your recipient's personality (for instance, I received an Etch-a-Sketch because I was always carrying around a portable computer (http://search.dilbert.com/comic/Etch%20A%20Sketch); a co-worker who talked a lot (too much) got a Chatty Cathy doll. The gifts were presented to the recipients one by one, with the giver describing how they had arrived at their choice of gift. After the gift-giving (and a ton of laughter), the gifts were taken to the kids at a local shelter. Lots of fun, no need to accommodate another object in your life, and a chance to give a gift to someone who likely wouldn't get one (or as nice of one).

This is brilliant Steve!

I have had lots of fun with Dirty Santa gifts at the office, I think that's the same as White Elephant... you bring some random junk from home wrapped then you can keep the wrapped gift you are assigned or take the person's gift who opened before you. In most instances I went straight by the Goodwill bin with it, but still a lot of laughs.

For general office politics reasons I usually make it a point to participate in most things that come down the pike.

Good for you SuzyQ for not doing it though... with 50 people, who will even notice? Plus, one less thing to stress about.

[frugalone]

I signed up for ours this afternoon and four hours later I'm already regretting it.
It's not only the library staff, it's the people in tech support (with whom I don't work at all). Apparently someone suggested the library stop doing this exchange this year but the old ladies upstairs who have been here for half their lives put the kibosh on that.

I wonder if it would be too Scrooge-like to say I've changed my mind.

The other thing that irks me is this: "everyone" who works in the library gives "everyone" else a card and a small piece of candy. Everyone except my (male) boss, that is, who has been here 20 years. Being here 3 months, I don't wanna look like a Scrooge...but you know? I'm having enough trouble with my family (as someone said above) and this crap is stressful and worthless to me.

What do you think? Run, while there's still time?

[SteveinMN]

What do you think? Run, while there's still time?
Conveniently "forget" to bring in the card and candy on the appointed day? ;)

[frugalone]

Yes, that IS an option...By the time we come back after break, perhaps everyone would have forgotten that I'd forgotten.


Conveniently "forget" to bring in the card and candy on the appointed day? ;)

[iris lily]

I signed up for ours this afternoon and four hours later I'm already regretting it.
It's not only the library staff, it's the people in tech support (with whom I don't work at all). Apparently someone suggested the library stop doing this exchange this year but the old ladies upstairs who have been here for half their lives put the kibosh on that.

I wonder if it would be too Scrooge-like to say I've changed my mind.

The other thing that irks me is this: "everyone" who works in the library gives "everyone" else a card and a small piece of candy. Everyone except my (male) boss, that is, who has been here 20 years. Being here 3 months, I don't wanna look like a Scrooge...but you know? I'm having enough trouble with my family (as someone said above) and this crap is stressful and worthless to me.

What do you think? Run, while there's still time?

Honor you obligation this year for The Secret Santa, it's not that big of a deal. But don't participate next year and don't take it personally if others choose to Secret Santa out their wazoos--that will not hurt you. And--don't do cards and candy. Just don't. I highly doubt that "everyone" does it, there is usually one person of sense in a group.

This sort of ridiculous waste of time is endemic at institutions populated by females, and libraries are typical.

[frugalone]

Good advice! I'll try to find something small and nice this weekend.

You're probably right about the female population thing. I heard the "ladies" take this "very seriously." My goodness...

[redfox]

What do you think? Run, while there's still time?
No! I say, keep it light. Frame this as doing something nice for someone else. That's it. Isn't that what gift giving is about?

PS... SS is the perfect time to re-gift.

[Zoebird]

My experience is that these stupid gift exchanges pile more worthless pieces o' crap in to my home.

This is just the god damn truth. LOL

DH and I managed to opt-out of this stuff very early on, and his boss said that they were given a budget every year for christmas gifts for the department, so what to do? DH polled everyone (seeing as his boss was a bit timid), and they discovered that spending the budget on a restaurant meal out together was the best way to go -- and so they did.

My mother always gives stationary at hers.

[Zoebird]

DH and I would pass-along gifts, too. IE, our neighbors did a "cookie exchange" and my clients often gave me cookies, so the client's cookies went to the cookie exchange. Wee!

[frugalone]

I'm all for re-gifting...I'll take a look around the house and see if there's anything that fits the bill.
My mom used to be the Queen of Regifting. For years she taught grade school and received many "gifts for teacher" that would go into her closet. Any time any of us kids would need something for a Secret Santa etc. she would go to the closet and voila! There would be something waiting!
Too bad she retired over a decade ago. LOL

[rosarugosa]

I think it would be a good idea to participate in the gift swap since you are the "new kid." I've found that people are more tolerant of my ideosyncracies once they've come to know and love me.

ETA: The gifts I've received at work over the years have often gone right into my donation box, but I figure that getting something wonderful isn't the point. I already own plenty of wonderful things. The last time I did a Yankee Swap, I took a crummy gift from one of my employees and swapped to give her something she really wanted. I felt like that was the point and it made me happy. I'm probably not going to participate this year though and I didn't last year either. I feel like after 12 years in the department, I'm comfortable enough to give this a pass.

[Tiam]

I don't participate. Although the supervisor frowns on this as not being a 'team member'. So, usually I have something sitting around that qualifies for an ok white elephant and will contribute the gift but not accept one. Someone usually hasn't brought a present, or forgot to and this takes care of that issue.

[sweetana3]

I see no problem in opting out of the card/candy thing. No one will remember. We had the same situation and no one cared who did it and who did not.

The Secret Santa depends on when it is done and how. We always had a luncheon and if someone did not participate it always stood out. If one could opt out of chosing a name and giving a gift separately to a meeting presentation, go ahead and do it. But be quiet about it.

[frugalone]

Thought I would revive this thread, since it's "that time of year again."

Quite honestly, I can't even remember what I got in last year's Secret Santa. And get this: None of the men in the library give the chocolates and candy! And I saw my boss giving away all his chocolate before the day was over. As Iris Lily said, not everyone does it!

I'm thinking of opting out of the party altogether this year. As you may know, I've become quite disenchanted with my job, I can't eat most of the food at these type of events (I am on a very strict diet for health reasons) and I just don't feel like it, to put it bluntly. Since it just "isn't done" to not show up at the party, I'm thinking of asking for the day off under the guise of "I have an out-of-town trip planned" or something like that.

What do you think?

[iris lilies]

Sure, you can take the day off, why not? While I would not let the ridiculous Beast of Xmas dictate how I used my vacation days, if you've got vacation days to spare, go ahead and take the day off.

But an alternate point of view is this: Very simply, one can choose not to participate. I guarantee you that younger employees at the library do not give a r*ts *ss about the Food Day. But OTOH Food Days are pretty easy to participate in--you bring a dish that you can eat--you stand around for 15 minutes eating it and chatting--then the end.. Who cares if you can eat "most f the food" because you do not need to eat it.

You make a big deal of this thing that is not a big deal.

[frugalone]

It's not a potluck, or I surely would bring something I can eat. This is a catered, sit-down meal that culminates in an big-deal gift exchange. I think some people call them Yankee swaps; others, Chinese auctions. It has s/thing to do with choosing a gift off a table, and then someone gets to "take" your gift away, and you can "take" someone else's. It goes on and on. Plus there's this fake award-thing where someone gives a snow shovel to someone else (I can't remember the reason right now).

My boss does not do the gift thing. He leaves right after we eat and goes back to the library. Everyone thinks he is a Scrooge. I don't want to be thought of that way; I am too cowardly. I remember skipping a Xmas party at my last job, too, mostly because I actually did have something planned that same day. People did miss the party every now and then, IIRC.

[iris lilies]

It's not a potluck, or I surely would bring something I can eat. This is a catered, sit-down meal ...
Then don't go.