DS and Santa

[Zoebird]

So, as you can imagine, we do not reenact santa in our household. It's not because we think it is a lie or bad or wrong. Simply, the story doesn't resonate with us and honestly, it's a lot of effort, and unnecessary.

But, we have shared the stories of Santa with DS (since we can't escape them here anyway), and as such, we have actually talked about how different families celebrate christmas with all kinds of celebrations (santa, st nick, st lucia, etc), and also the different stories that make up the "santa" that we know today. DH even found connections to Odin, which make both he and DS very happy indeed.

We also explained that some people like to reenact these stories in their homes, and explained how people do it. We explained that osme people dress up, pretending to be santa, and others pretend that santa is someone else (not them), but they do the "santa work" because, like the crew on a play, the set has to be just right. DS understood about the 'props' around this -- having to give gifts but if there isn't a "real person santa who puts out the gifts" then mom or dad has to be the "crew" and put the props in the right place (gifts under the tree, candy in the shoes, etc).

Since the hobbit premiered here this week, DS is steeped in people dressing up, play-acting scenes from the hobbit, and engaging in all manner of fun celebrations (we even attended a Second Breakfast pot luck), we were able to explain how reenacting works at the psycho=spiritual level, and he has pretty deep understanding.

All this is well and good, until we get this question: Is santa alive?

And I say "no, santa is dead. or rather, all of the people on whom he is designed are dead, like beowulf is dead." And then I explained: "but the story is really true and good, and lives forever. So in that way, what santa represents is alive."

So who goes to kindy and tells the kids that Santa is dead? LOL

But even more hilarious is his answer to his grandparents when they asked him what Santa was bringing:

We do not reenact santa in our home. It's ok if people do it, but we don't. The story is good, and the themes live on, but Santa is dead, so I don't see the point.

hahahahahhahaahah!

Oh, we are in so much trouble.

[Wildflower]

Awww, probably not so funny for your son's kindy classmates....and their parents.

I didn't promote Santa with my kids either. I taught them that Christmas was about giving to those we love and those less fortunate. But I also told them some thought Santa was very important in their Christmas story, although we didn't, but that it was ok for others to believe different things and to have respect for that...

[Zoebird]

It turns out ok. The school has handled it before.

As the school is mytho-poetic, their perspective is the same as ours, but they (like us) understand that for some families it's *really important* that santa is really-real, not just mythically-important real.

So, what they do (and explained to me) is that they redirect the conversation into a new area (or new game altogether) and make sure that both children feel that their parent is right.

I also contacted all of the parents and explained the situation, so that they could contextualize the answer that hawk gave to their children.

We also explained to DS that it's better to engage the story openly with other children, rather than contest the story that they are creating. This is a skill they are teaching him in school (in context of play, not in context of exchanging opinions, ideas, or information), and so it's helping him be more inclusive (since he has the tendency to want to create the game wholly and bring people into it, they are guiding him to bring other people's imaginings directly intot he game).

So, it's actually a really good process for DS as well.

What made me laugh is how he so matter of fact told my ILs about Santa. They were not amused (and this is why we are in trouble).

[Zoebird]

Oh, and I also apologized to the parents for not explaining ahead of time to DS to be sure to pretend no matter what anyone says, beacuse it's part of the big important game of this time of the year.

Just as we would not tell our friend Jack -- lord of the rings fanatic -- that elves are all in the grey havens (which, technically they are) which would wilt his desire to dress as one and play act the scenes with DS when he is a hobbit. All of this pretend is a heck of a lot of fun!

So, we did explain that AFTER ds told us that he and his bestie had an argument around whether or not santa is dead. I then talked with the teacher who told me how she managed it, and emailed all of the parents just in case there was an issue. And apologized, too, in case there were any tough conversations already happening.

[Tammy]

I find it sad that one needs to apologize for something like this. Lately, it feels more socially inappropriate to not believe in Santa than to not believe in a particular god. When I was a kid, belief in Santa was optional .... I knew from my earliest memories that it was a fairy tale.

[Mrs-M]

We've always carried the tradition of Santa Claus, in our house. DH and I, were raised "with Santa", so it just felt right to extend the same.

[Mighty Frugal]

We've always carried the tradition of Santa Claus, in our house. DH and I, were raised "with Santa", so it just felt right to extend the same.

+1. I love the magic Santa brings!

[peggy]

I find it sad that one needs to apologize for something like this. Lately, it feels more socially inappropriate to not believe in Santa than to not believe in a particular god. When I was a kid, belief in Santa was optional .... I knew from my earliest memories that it was a fairy tale.

Yeah, except you can get elected President not believing in that jolly elf!;)
I'm pretty sure the apology was for her son telling the kids Santa was dead, when most parents play the Santa game when the kids are that little.

Personally, when looking at the differences between god and Santa, I'll choose Santa. He is the benevolent father figure who listens when you talk to him and grants you wishes if you are good... without all that eternal damnation nastiness!

Which reminds me of my dear, dyslexic friend, bless his heart.
He sold his soul to Santa.:0!

[Tammy]

Love it! :)

[decemberlov]

+1. I love the magic Santa brings!

Me too Mighty Frugal.

This thread reminded me of a letter I found last year in anticipation for explaining the "is Santa real" moment in my house hold:

Dear Little One,

Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”
I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.
I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won’t make you Santa, though.
Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.
I love you and I always will.

Mama

[Jilly]

I am nearly 66 and I believe in Santa, along with a great many other things that life experience should have informed me to be less than absolutely true and immediate.

Zoebird, I love the way your school handled that, mostly because, well, it is great, but also because that was always our default kinds of responses to the questions, mostly from my daughter's friends when she was little, about the weird patchwork holiday traditions we had, not just Christmas. Come to think of it, there were similar conversations during times in my daughter's own development when she explored options and had her own wondering and wonderment.

So, truly it is all good, yes? As for the ILs, well, you are probably right, you are doomed!!!!!!!:~)

[Zoebird]

Life is not without magic just because it's without reenacting Santa.

That's a great letter, decemberlov. :)

That's what I talk a lot about with DS in all of our stories. We talk about what they teach us. And children naturally reenact things, so it's been interesting to see which stories he chooses to reenact.

[Mighty Frugal]

Me too Mighty Frugal.

This thread reminded me of a letter I found last year in anticipation for explaining the "is Santa real" moment in my house hold:

Dear Little One,

Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”
I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.
I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won’t make you Santa, though.
Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.
I love you and I always will.

Mama

I love that. It brought tears to my eyes! Thanks for sharing!

And like Jilly, I sort of still believe in Santa.