Melancholy giving

[puglogic]

Every year, I participate in our county's adopt-a-family program at the holidays. We buy gifts for the kids of someone who's just not able to afford gifts. At first, I was afraid it would be a bunch of stuff like iPods and designer sneakers, but really they ask for important things: winter clothes for the baby, a warm blanket for someone's bed, underwear, things for school. I love doing it.

But every year I feel this sense of melancholy while I shop. The year I bought the blanket, I was particularly tender, and picked out something very girly and warmfuzzy. Last night at the store I feel oddly close to tears, walking around and seeing all the largesse in everyone's cart, while I was picking out the few clothing items I could afford for my adoptee this year (a 12-mo-old girl).

I am not sure what I'm feeling. My heart feels raw and unprotected. It's as though I want to buy the whole store and give it to everyone who's trying hard to make it this year, but is coming up short. I feel small and powerless, with my one little contribution, and there's an ominous feeling that things are just going to get worse with the economy.

Does anyone else ever feel melancholy around the holidays? Because of the differences in who gets to have what?

[SteveinMN]

The Starfish Story by Loren Eiseley

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “I made a difference to that one!”

puglogic, you are making a difference. There is one poor little girl whose holiday will be brighter because you cared and made an effort. Yes, there are millions of others. You know you can't help them all. But you can help this one. And bravo to you for doing it! :+1:

[ToomuchStuff]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqDcm0nlYQs

There are others out there, and I have been fortunate, to hear some of the stories, from both sides.

[Jilly]

I love that starfish story and it is nice to be reminded that every little bit helps.

Holidays that involve gifts as part of the celebrating are especially difficult, I think, particularly where children are concerned. I used to feel some of the same things, but whilst we started with just the Christmas helping, we liked it so much that we connected with the charity and volunteered during the year, and helped when we could with food and stuff because the organization shared information about how hunger and need was a year-round issue and not just during the holidays.

Now, even though my personal resources are greatly diminished, I can still give time along with the occasional financial help. Doing only what I can is enough. And, I cannot express how meaningful this is for me. There was recently a thread about someone wanting to be more involved in a volunteer capacity and the replies to that were very helpful to me, as I am guessing they were to others.

Sometimes our lives simply do not allow for outside-the-household helping of any kind and that, well, it has to be fine because we can only do what we can do, and forcing time or resources into an already full life really does not benefit anyone in the long term, and very often not even immediately.

I think that what you are feeling is what caring people experience. I love the idea of being able to buy whatever, anything and everything that is needed to make a holiday comfortable for every person in my community. Such a wonderful dream.

When I worked in animal rescue people would often say that they could never do what we did. They meant it as a compliment, I am sure, but the truth is that not everyone is suited for the complexities of rescue/helping work, animals or people or national monuments or whatever. If someone seemed especially interested and maybe kind of yearning to do the work, I shared with them that people often feel that way when they are on the outside of the organization, but that when you are part of the process everything changes. You no longer feel the need to adopt every needy animal or pour out your finances to help, because being part of that process is so satisfying.

Being a caring person who helps when she/he can is quite enough, as well. I often wish I could help with large improvements in the quality of life for others, but sticking to my own version of starfish tossing is enough. It really is.

[sweetana3]

My husband really enjoys working with a group building ramps for people who are housebound so they can get out and about. One woman was stuck in her home for 3 years another hurt herself on a poorly built ramp. So each one he helps with benefits one or more people in a very direct way. The groups does this most of the year.

I make twin size quilts for children at a psychiatric lock down facility. Each child who enters gets to choose a quilt and keep it. This is an all year project. I work with a friend and donate thru our guild. We can also make other sizes that go to Burmese refugees newly in the country and to a home for new mothers.

Both of these projects keep us focused on helping others and not thinking of ourselves quite so much. We cannot build a ramp for everyone or make a quilt for every child that needs one but with everyone helping, we do a lot one step at a time.

I always say when you are down, do something for others that have a greater need.

[puglogic]

This afternoon, on my lunch hour, I wrapped my gifts and took them to the gift drop-off center. I entered the room, which was the cafeteria of a large office building, and was simply floored: literally hundreds of gifts, large and small, and stacks of food, and stockings put together by the employees of the Human Services department in their spare time. The employees had brought cookies too, and the volunteers, employees, and donors were all sipping hot cocoa and talking together.

If that isn't an antidote to the the me-me-me-ness of this season, I really don't know what is.

Still melancholy, but not as much as I was. People can be so wonderful.

Including you all. Thanks so much for your stories.
Someone else sent me this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mM11v_16-o (rest her soul)

[Zoebird]

I hear you.

Though, this is my favorite part of the holidays: giving to families in need.

Even though I don't celebrate christmas doesn't mean that a kid should go without simply because her family can't afford the normal celebrations.

[fidgiegirl]

This thread was very uplifting and timely for me. Loved both the videos shared, and the starfish story. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with life in general, working in education, listening to the radio, reading the book Enrique's Story (http://www.amazon.com/Enriques-Journey-Sonia-Nazario/dp/0812971787/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354760746&sr=8-1&keywords=enrique%27s+story) right now . . . all the needs and feeling I'm not really doing much about any of it. You all may remember a few weeks or months ago I started a thread basically saying I was just not up for any volunteering right now even though I had lots of interests. Well, even before this thread, just last night I signed the dog up for another round of obedience (toward the ultimate goal of becoming a therapy dog) and will be joining a monthly crafting club with some gals from high school who will be knitting/crocheting/sewing blankets and hats for cancer patients (one of the gals just lost her mom to a rare cancer). And I signed up for both with a light heart and a willing spirit. So whatever fog was floating seems to be lifting a bit for me.

When I feel overwhelmed by it all, and I'm bound to again, I can remember all the wise words shared here. Jilly, I was especially moved by your post.

[awakenedsoul]

I've been making things for people who might be alone or feel alone at Christmas. It feels good. Today I bought some Christmas baking tins at the Salvation Army. One of the men who works there said, "I'll give you one tin for free, so you bring us in a tin of cookies." I will. I don't think he gets many home baked goods. I try to give things to people that I don't think get many presents. One is a single mom. Another is a neighbor whose husband doesn't work. I'm crocheting a set of pot holders for my mail lady. She lives in a dangerous area. It's a good feeling. I'm so relieved to be out of debt and to be able to participate in Christmas again. I make all of my gifts. They cost very little, but I put a lot of time and care into them.

[fidgiegirl]

Awakendsoul, that is caring and kind of you to notice the people in your daily life who need a bit of a pick me up this time of year.

[puglogic]

Lovely stories!!

[Lainey]

Likewise, and good timing. I was feeling some of the same thing, puglogic.