Laugh if you must

[Fawn]

I am so damn used to being in charge and competent...ruling the house....I have always said I would be a poor patient.

Today, while cutting the chicken for dinner, I sliced into my thumb far enough that I had to apply pressure for 60 minutes to get it to stop bleeding. I have since Super-Glued it.

But, I told my kids that they would have to wash the dishes for me...they didn't until a visiting friend expressed astonishment that it had not been done yet.

I have prided myself on teaching my children to care for themselves/others...but apparently I still suck at asking for help when I need it. :~)

Oh, well... something to work on....:(

[Zoe Girl]

I am not laughing, but yeah it is harder than you know to 'ask' for help. I found that once I got over asking for help issues I still had other issues of my expectations and assertiveness. I expected that when i got over the asking for help issues that everyone would feel so good about it that they would magically have a wonderful Mary Poppins attitude and not just be cheerful but prompt about the help (can I throw in competant?) That didn't really happen the way I expected. Then i not only asked for help but asserted myself with the people it was appropriate with. That is not something that changes overnight, I had to impose some consequences that were not comfortable for any of us at first. Eventually it has been getting a lot better. My dd wanted to visit some friends the other day but I had to leave early so I left a note with a couple simple chores. I noticed later she had done every one. That took at least a year of accepting no excuses, and I still don't have kids who love to help when mom is sick or injured, but it helps. It has been sooooo essential as the arthritis has developed in my back and I cannot do what i used to plus deal with pain and stiffness on a daily basis.

[mattj]

We have a folder we use to keep track of our finances. I took a big fat Sharpie and wrote - Matt - ask for help! on the outside of it so I have to see it every time I record a transaction.

[mira]

Eep! I hope your thumb heals soon.

I don't have kids, but I'm not shy about asking my boyfriend for help at all. Or maybe it's more like telling him? :) I'm slowly starting to adjust to the idea that he doesn't always intuitively see when it's necessary.

[Gina]

I am so damn used to being in charge and competent...ruling the house....

But, I told my kids that they would have to wash the dishes for me...they didn't until a visiting friend expressed astonishment that it had not been done yet.
If you are used to 'ruling the house' there might well be another dynamic at work here than 'asking'. You kids likely are competent, but they were perhaps just being resistent to being told what to do, even when you asked for help. I speak from experience after being raised by a very competent, loving, yet controlling mother.

When my mom would ask (tell) me to do something, over they years my inner response became 'no, and you can't make me.' In the end I usually did do it (as your kids did after 'outside intervention'), but everything was a struggle.

I don't know what the answer is, or even if this is your situation, but sometimes controlling parents get resisting children. :|(

[Fawn]

If you are used to 'ruling the house' there might well be another dynamic at work here than 'asking'. You kids likely are competent, but they were perhaps just being resistent to being told what to do, even when you asked for help. I speak from experience after being raised by a very competent, loving, yet controlling mother.

When my mom would ask (tell) me to do something, over they years my inner response became 'no, and you can't make me.' In the end I usually did do it (as your kids did after 'outside intervention'), but everything was a struggle.

I don't know what the answer is, or even if this is your situation, but sometimes controlling parents get resisting children. :|(

I'll have to ask them. I generally don't get resistance, but often procrastination, which sounds like what you did.

[Gina]

If it's all they've known growing up, they may not recognize it for what it is. I didn't till years and years later when looking back. In fact decades later I still tend to resist doing things people tell me to do (as opposed to asking).

And, surprise, since 'controlling' was the only thing I saw modeled, I can be pretty controlling too. But then I'm efficient, practical, and just see what needs doing. Kinda hard not to point things out to others in order to save time. ;) The approach can be tempered however.