When friends break up

[kally]

Some good friends, married a long long time broke up last year. I find it so sad. The dh has moved on to a new woman. I am friends with both the wife and husband and in a small town it seems so much harder than in a city.

Anyhow just yakking here about how to handle it. Anyone ever felt like this?

[iris lily]

In our city neighborhood which functions like a villiage, we've had two couples break up this year. But we were not CLOSE friends with them. In one case, the man never came around, anyway--it was the wife we interacted with. In the other case the two men in the couple are still friendly and are still living in their house until it sells and they still come to parties together, so it's not a bad split and people aren't having to chose sides.

Ten years ago our nearby neighbors split up and we had been close to both of them. They were fighting over who got the house. The wife was adament that she was staying in this neighborhood and so whether or not she got the house, we would have stayed frieinds with her and I'll bet he would have drifted off elsewhere. But he ended up shooting and killing her. That created a huge rift in our groups of friends because anyone who remained friendly with him was seen to be "on his side" by the "other side" and it was just nasy nasty nasty and those divisons still remain, to this day.

[Anne Lee]

Oh, Iris Lily, I remember you talking about that incident. It's amazing what long standing ripple effects those tragedies have.

I had a work colleague who split up and I am friendly with the wife. It's a complicated story (aren't they all) but since I wasn't super super close to either one I can still be friendly to both.

[redfox]

Murder would be a very difficult thing to live with in one's neighborhood - yikes. I assume he went to prison? Domestic violence is too common...

[iris lily]

He went to prison on a sentence that was considered too severe by some, too lenient by others. I think his sentence was for 12 years and he's probably out by now but I've not heard. While certianly no one can condone his act, he acted impulsively (according to his story) and there was no trial, he plead guilty to manslaughter. OThers though that he had sort of planned it. That's what created the rift--his degree of guilt. Me, I always though he was impulsive although not mean.

It started hard and stayed hard when the day after her murder, for his arraignment, people were expected to sit on one side of the courtroom or the other depending on which side they are supporting. That was the first big thing to pit neighbor against neighbor and from then on it was all downhill. When he threw an "I'm Going to Prison" party (which his supporters said was intended as a thank you to those who had helped him) that was another rift making opportunity. In my household DH went to the party and I stayed home. :(