View Full Version : In a different space
Both physically and mentally in my life. I found myself this more at peace for the first time in a LONG time. I am puttering around the house. It needs a good deep clean and will get to it after a SMALLISH cup of coffee. But I really felt a shift today. I can't place if it's my way of thinking or being or what, but it's like I have taken a nice step foward to the real me and I am not caring what others think anymore. This is a HUGE breakthrough for the girl who is OCD, Type-A overachiever, it's never good enough, etc, yadda, you get it...I suddenly seem to really know what I want and I won't compromise nor will I keep the old just in case (across all plains of living, thinking, acting, to please others, soul wise kinda stuff). I made peace with the fact that I am leaving the corporate world behind and yes, the big paycheck but WE WILL BE OK. TAH DAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! That is the best part. I want for nothing, I need for nothing but I have everything.
AHHHH!! Breathe in Breathe out and be. I like it. :) It's is just this feeling of calm.
This is a HUGE breakthrough for the girl who is OCD, Type-A overachiever, it's never good enough, etc, yadda, you get it...I suddenly seem to really know what I want and I won't compromise nor will I keep the old just in case (across all plains of living, thinking, acting, to please others, soul wise kinda stuff). I made peace with the fact that I am leaving the corporate world behind and yes, the big paycheck but WE WILL BE OK. TAH DAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! That is the best part. I want for nothing, I need for nothing but I have everything.
:+1: :+1::+1::+1::+1::+1::+1:!!!!!
That is huge, MamaM! It's been about a year since I came to the same realization and that same realization had to fall into place for me before the decision to leave stopped feeling like I was taking a step off a cliff. It helps to be prepared -- we thought we could function pretty well on DW's salary, we had a cushion of savings, and there was a commitment to even a McJob (but not a career-type Corporate America HSSJ) if necessary. I hope you will find (as I did) that despite what They tell you, the best things in life are free and that everything you have to pay for comes at a price. I think you'll do fine!
That's awesome! Peace, acceptance and mindfulness - it sounds like you have them all. I'm only able to feel like this in brief snatches, but I'm always working on it.
ApatheticNoMore
2-2-13, 1:18pm
Part of the thing is I've never been able to see any real alternative to a corporate job or a mcjob, and while the former is not much of a life, what kind of life is the latter, a life spent in low wage often abusive (they don't treat low wage employees well) labor with no health insurance? The best things in life may be free, but rent isn't, health insurance isn't, utlities aren't, etc.. I've wanted out for perhaps a decade, I think it's just NOT meant to be, since I've never found it.
Apathetic- I so get it. What has helped me is downsizing and getting out of debt. Even in a low wage job, I can afford the bills I have. I don't have the best, latest, greatest and nor will I ever be trendy. I prefer a slower life. Right now, a hourly job works for me because I can reset. Some people are SHOCKED I am willing to leave a corporate job but I really need too or else I am going to lose my mind before 40. It's not to say I won't ever be at that job level again. I just prefer time with my family, especially my son, right now and not all the responsibility and craziness, 24/7. But I understand completely. It's darned if you do and darned if you don't. I had to make a lot of changes in my attitude and perspective to get where I am.
A place I still struggle. Sometimes my hubby can get a little mean about me leaving a job and making $25,000 less a year and I just re-iterate I am not the B***h I used to be when I was completely stressed out, over tired and unhappy. He can physically see me not making those purchases anymore and wasting money and the all out effort to make us a closer family is starting to show in a positive way. Is it easy? No. Do I expect him to fully understand? No. I can see how $$$ blinds people. But part of this is also doing what is right for ME..and yes, I have a family and have to think about them but what good am I if I am unhappy and never around? Life happens and it's my life at the end of the day.
I have watched family members climb the career ladder, across all forms of work. I had one member lose it all at 55 due to some bad choices and just bad timing. He had to live, with his disabled Mom, in her house, all he owned pared down to 1 small bedroom and his car. He went through 2 years of heck but came out of it ok. He is now 60 and though he does not have much, I can see the HAPPINESS radiating from him. He doesn't worry anymore and spend a lot more time doing the things he wants, still working a normal job to pay for those things and save a little.
My Nanna and Papa ALWAY Come to mind. They were the exact opposite of my other grandparents. They had nothing but worked hard, saved, loved and have fun. When they died, all they had left was very little in the house they built from the ground up and $5000 in cash, after all the bills were paid. But they were happy up until the got sick amd they learned from an early life to live happy and be content.
My other grandparents died millionaires but at the expense of living in squalor, hoarding, stealing from people (things and money), hated each other since the day they got married, never even could say Happy Birthday or celebrate any Holiday (no gifts, no nothing, not even a greeting) and were just mean people. Died with $2.5 million in the bank, which was eaten up by medical bills and some people who sued because of their unscrupulous dealings years before. They were the crankious, meanest people I ever met. I saw infighting from my dad and his brother and other family members.
The best things in life may be free, but rent isn't, health insurance isn't, utlities aren't, etc.. I've wanted out for perhaps a decade, I think it's just NOT meant to be, since I've never found it.
True, rent/insurance/utilities are not free. I'm also blessed in having a spouse who makes a good income, which to date has made it unnecessary to make drastic changes in our lifestyle. But, frankly, I'm willing to give a lot to keep myself from cortisol poisoning from the constant stress. And so is DW.
I guess if I found a door that had been nailed shut for a decade, I'd start looking for another exit. I understand not everyone can up and drop what they're doing. But I've gotta think there's a way to at least move toward a goal in ten years -- if not outright declare it within reach or accomplished.
"But, frankly, I'm willing to give a lot to keep myself from cortisol poisoning from the constant stress. And so is DW."
This is me NOW...and I have some health reasons to slow down, stress less and live my life my way. I won't die rich but I will die having lived a good, HAPPY life.
I retired in my forties with a (small) defined pension and some savings. A friend semi-retired in her forties with a paid-for house (sold a house and scaled down, paying cash) and some savings. She escaped a HSS corporate job and is now working roughly half-time at a non-profit. Her partner works too, so there are two incomes, but they maintain a frugal household.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin
Jane- can you give me some pointers? (Email me if you will and feel more comfortable..no pressure) How do you handle people that just don't get your decision? I don't want to get personal but I don't have a lot of $$$ to my name but it's enough to build upon and live simple right now. We have a little debt that will be paid in for a year..and that is with doubling the normal payment amount. Thanks. :)
I know this may sound personal but when y'all are talking about having savings...could someone give me idea...ballpark range..even if you email me offline--it's secret with me..I just want to see where I fall. I will tell you mine if you tell me yours. : ) I just want to see how crazy I am. ;)
Jane- can you give me some pointers? (Email me if you will and feel more comfortable..no pressure) How do you handle people that just don't get your decision? I don't want to get personal but I don't have a lot of $$$ to my name but it's enough to build upon and live simple right now. We have a little debt that will be paid in for a year..and that is with doubling the normal payment amount. Thanks. :)
Ha! I'm the last person to come to for financial advice--or people skills, for that matter. I'm on my own, and everyone I knew--and probably a few I didn't--understood that I was going to bail out at the first opportunity. People rarely try to tell me what to do--at least not more than once. :devil: My partner and I have diametrically opposed money management styles, so I'm happy not to have to mesh them in real life. (He's more frugal than I, by far.)
If I had it to do over, I would have planned better. Or planned, period. I would have sold this house (Chez Albatross) and bought a smaller/cheaper one immediately. I hate to think of my real estate mistakes--"the two that got away" particularly. As it was, I burned through my savings and lived partially on equity while I filled in here and there with PT jobs until SS finally kicked in.
I would say be true to yourself, find alternate streams of income if you can do so without compromising too much, and find ways (you probably already have) to save enough household monies to make downshifting look like a brilliant move and good for the whole family.
I like your attitude Jane. : ) Thanks. I am in the same boat with the house situation. We can afford it but we could have done better. So I am slowly trying to convince hubby to downsize. He will get there. Always does.
What we have going for us:
1. Hubby disablity check for being 90% from the military. It's not much but I am grateful for it. I am working on my VA claim, expecting 10-20%, so every little bit helps.
2. We have a small savings. Not great but I think it's nice.
3. I am super frugal, even more than I was. I did waste some money in the past but have learned. We HAVE to get the eating out under control but again, doing better.
4. I am learning how to compost and grow a small garden, eat less meat, drive a little less, wear more simple clothing, I even cut my own hair the other day and it's not so bad. Professional for work but still me. :)
Thanks. :)
Staying convinced that you will be financially okay will keep you in your new space. Old doubts will creep back from time to time.
I just don't talk about my employment decisions. There is nothing to defend then.
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