Started home schooling

[Kathy WI]

I had mentioned my son's problems in school awhile ago. We started homeschooling this week. I'm kind of winging it, more like unschooling, but I do plan a few things to do each day. The first few days went well, because I think my son was just happy to be out of his old school. But now he's starting to complain and argue about every assignment I give him, and he gets mad if he has to do anything the slightest bit challenging.

Did any of you homeschoolers go through this? I think he's not taking me seriously because I'm not a "real" teacher. He's giving me this snotty attitude and I don't want to have to fight with him every day. He made good grades in school, so it's not like he has a learning disability or anything.

Example: one of the assignments I came up with is that every morning when he's reading any book he wants, he should write down five unfamiliar words and look them up in the dictionary and write down the definition. After he has done that, I'll ask him to tell me the definition in his own words, and use the word in a sentence. He had no problem with that. I also said that on Fridays I would test him to make sure he remembered and understood the words. This morning I told him to study his vocabulary words and I'd test him in about half an hour. When I got back, I started to test him, but he clearly hadn't studied the words. I told him to actually study the words while I took a shower and then I'd test him again. Again, he clearly hadn't made any effort to study the words, and was arguing and complaining about the assignment. If he had an assignment like this in his regular school, he would have done it easily.

[Brian]

It is a transition but we had DD linked with a remote teacher and other students so there was more structure. I am sure he is testing you and does not have the larger context of what education is or must do yet? I trust a teacher or someone with more experience than my sample of one will chime in. If this will not work out then he must go back to school... trusting that consequence reality will bring up his support.

[Mrs-M]

You would have made for such a great teacher Kathy WI! You're a natural (as they say). I think your son will come around in due time. Possibly the newness of it all is what's getting in the way right now. A trying adjustment time if you will, but as the teacher/student relationship grows between you and your son I think so will the willingness for him to try harder and give more. In fact just knowing the close relationship you and your son share I think not only will things settle and thrive, I also think that it will add to the richness and fullness that you already share with one another.

[Mrs. Hermit]

It sounds like he is testing you to see what he can get a away with in the new environment of homeschooling. He will probably spend quite a while "testing the fences" until he finds out your rules are consistent, and that there are consequences for his noncompliance. All my homeschooled children tried (and continue to try) this occasionally. Come up with a consequence that you can live with and consistently apply it when he is noncompliant with your assignments. Some of my consequences: no ballplaying until the math is done; if the problems are not finished by X time, you will complete a job picked from the chore jar then do the assignment (I enjoyed that consequence--for a while they got SO MANY chores done!); 15 minutes less computer time for each refusal to complete an assignment. Get creative! Eventually, he will get the hang of it.

[AmeliaJane]

I don't know much about homeschooling, but I wonder if you might like the book "Love in a Time of Homeschooling" by Laura Brodie, who homeschooled one daughter for a year. She is very frank about the times when homeschooling was really challenging, especially dealing with her daughter's attitude, and how she had to change some of her ideas about how the process would work.

[Bootsie]

First, hooray for you!

My situation is different because I've always homeschooled my kids, but I've heard from people who pulled their kids from school that a decompression period is helpful. Perhaps instead of struggling over vocabulary assignments, you could spend time taking field trips, deciding what academic coursework to pursue, spending time with hobbies, delving into interesting books just because they are interesting, etc. Use this decompression time yourself to do some studying on different homeschooling styles and how you will meet your state's requirements. You don't need to rush this process.

My personal opinion is that your relationship with your son is more important than the academics, and that school life will go more smoothly after you're both in the habit of working together. Does that make any sense? Rather than butt heads, stop the assignments until you're both in a place where you're working together. He's old enough to have a frank discussion with him about homeschooling - that he needs to take direction from you and be cooperative at home. You might want to solicit his ideas about what he wants to study and what methods he would like to try.

I also advise patience. Both of you are in a brand new situation and it's normal to feel uncomfortable and to fuss about it. You have the option of taking your time; you don't need to rush.

Good luck - keep checking in as I'm cheering you on!

[Kathy WI]

Thanks for all the advice. I'm finding that he actually likes assignments that are more structured (like when I make up a math quiz) and doesn't know what to do with himself when I give him something more loosely defined, like giving him a couple books on a topic and asking him to tell me a few interesting things he found in the books. But I don't want to spend all my time making up quizzes. Neither of us are into science and I was puzzled about what to do, but I found some really good videos at the library that we can watch together. The one we watched today was really interesting and we talked a lot about it. He wants to learn to sew, but fights with me when it comes to actually doing it. I got the idea to ask his grandma to teach him to sew, because she has more experience with making clothes from patterns, and she's also left handed like he is, which makes a difference for some things. He's looking forward to doing that with Grandma.

[djen]

I agree that he's probably testing you a bit, to see what you're willing to let him slide on.

Also, I've found that it's often hard for kids who are getting out of a traditional school, especially when there have been problems, to switch gears and sort out how this whole homeschooling thing is going to work. Who's the boss now? Who decides what to study, and what does that REALLY mean? He may sense that you're not sure what you want to do or are going to be satisfied with, either. And what you see as flexibility may feel like sand shifting under his feet. It takes a while to feel like he knows which way is up.

I talk parents through this all the time in my homeschool group :) It will be OK, you will both sort out what works and what direction to go. It is bumpy at first, just like when he was a baby. If you could figure out all of that, you can certainly do this!

[lhamo]

For science stuff, Bill Nye the Science Guy is great for young boys. Mythbusters also has a lot of science in it. My son has actually learned an awful lot about a variety of scientific topics (esp. chemistry, physics and astronomy) by watching those two programs.

It may take some time for him to get to the kind of more abstract abilities you are asking of him, especially if his former school was heavy on worksheets and drilling.

good luck and hope this works out well for you guys! I agree with Mrs. M that it sounds like you have a knack for teaching, so take it slow and find a style/approach that works for both of you.

lhamo

[Anne Lee]

Check with your school district. You may be entitled to the curriculum resources they use. Trying to make up everything as you go along will be pretty hard. There's lots of room for unschooling but to do that well takes more planning than schooling.

And please, please, please don't give short shrift to science. Science is doing, not just reading ABOUT science. I strongly recommend the GEMS (Great Explorations in Math and Science) series for those who don't feel confident in teaching science.

The topics offered by GEMS are listed here: http://www.lhsgems.org/gemsguides.html . The guides are amazing. They really walk you through everything you need soup to nuts to do a well sequenced, hands-on, high quality unit. Check to see if the guides are available through Interlibrary Loan.

AIMS (http://www.aimsedu.org/), FOSS (http://www.fossweb.com/) and Delta (http://www.delta-education.com/science/dsm/index.shtml) are other resources. 'm not as familiar with them.

All the best! This has to be exciting for you both!

[Zzz]

Tests are used in schools because it is the only way that a teacher can keep up with what a whole classroom (or six or eight classrooms) of students are doing. It's really not needed with homeschooling. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of taking a system of education that is designed for working with whole classrooms full of children and trying to use it with one child.

Keeping a notebook of unfamiliar vocabulary words seems reasonable. Why not review that list with him each day and then pick a word together to "adopt" into your vocabulary? Make it almost a game to see how many excuses you can find to use that word over that day, or the next few days? Unless your state law requires you to do so, why give assignments that can be passed/failed at all? I'd suggest looking for ways to "improve" instead.

Obviously, he'll need to do some "formal" exercises. He'll need to be able to write well, for example. Perhaps he could practice this in non-traditional ways, though. Perhaps a blog where you review posts before he "publishes" them. This way he is also learning technology.

[creaker]

Don't forget there's hopefully a homeschooling community out there - interacting with peers who are successfully homeschooling can be a great motivator. Most kids seem to accept boundaries better when they see peers have them as well. And it adds a social component.

[Mrs-M]

Originally posted by Ihamo.
For science stuff, Bill Nye the Science Guy is great for young boys. Mythbusters also has a lot of science in it.I second this along with CBC Radio (if you get it). On Monday nights, albeit late (midnight Mountain Standard time) a program comes on called Quirks & Quarks hosted by Bob McDonald. An incredibly interesting and educating hour to spend.

[loosechickens]

since "regular" school was an unhappy experience for him, I wouldn't hesitate to sit down with him and have a discussion about how the two of you are going to make this homeschooling a success, because it will take both of you making efforts on a daily basis, and if it doesn't work well, which would require him going back to "regular" school, after all HE is the one who will be there in the environment that didn't work well for him, not you. So, in the end, he has a LOT more "investment" in having this homeschooling work well. Make sure he understands that.

Kids are FAR more able to see what is, in the end, in their own best interest, and making sure that they carry some of the responsibility for achieving that, and showing them how their own actions will affect that goal, often works out well. JMHO

[catherine]

You said that he likes things that are structured. I'm not sure how you've structured the homeschooling time--you didn't say, but maybe that's a clue as to how to maximize the day.

Maybe if you tell him that he needs to focus on his schooling for a set time--like specific 2-3 hours in the morning (9-11am every day). No questions asked, no complaining allowed, etc. That's when some of this rote learning can take place. You would sit there with him, like a teacher (no showers, housework, etc.), and supervise those types of assignments.

The afternoon (or some afternoons) can be devoted to the more "fun" things like trips, videos, etc.

I know with my son, (who has ADD and whom I homeschooled in his high school years), he really needed external structure. He needed to know that "this is the time for ... "

I agree with others who talked about communication, expectations, decompression, but I'd only do that for a short time. Don't put yourself at a disadvantage because you're not a "real teacher." Make sure you exude "real teacher" energy so he doesn't take advantage of you.

But, I agree, you sound like you've got "the right stuff"! Good luck!

[Kathy WI]

As far as the structure...I've been doing the planned assignments in the morning, because that's when he's most focused. He's the kind of person who really likes tests, likes to be judged and graded, and can be a perfectionist (which can be good or bad depending on the situation). When he was weighing the pros and cons of homeschooling, one thing he said he'd miss was spelling tests! So I can understand why he wouldn't be into just looking through a book when he's not going to be tested on it and there's nothing specific he's told to do. Watching a science video was much better than reading a book about it.

This week I'm planning to combine drawing and geometry. Recently he asked me how to do shading in drawing. So I was thinking I'd teach him about geometric shapes, things like how to find the area, volume, etc., and also work on drawing shapes and shading. Sounds like fun to me, so hopefully he'll get into that. Some things that sound like fun to me, like analyzing grammar, are boring to other people. Imagine that.

[Gardenarian]

Hi Kathy -
I started homeschooling dd in 2nd grade and we went through almost a year of "de-schooling." We basically did no lessons at all for a while. I did a lot of reading aloud (although she was a fluent reader, it was a great tool for bringing us together.) Both dh and I took her on a lot of day trips (science museum, beach, zoo, etc.) We signed her up for a lot of "after school" programs - dance, music, swim team, theater. All of those recreation classes were a huge help in making the transition from school to home school.

Now she is 11, and she does lessons online (we use Time4learning, which she likes), spends A LOT of time reading, she is writing a novel, she takes a couple of dance classes, theater, gymnastics, spends a day per week doing wilderness studies, takes an art class and does a ton of drawing (and wants me to save it all >8)) and is in a band, choir, and guitar workshop. Busy kid!

For quite a while I found I had to keep changing my strategies - either she'd change, or just grow tired of it. It's a moving target. We seem to be in a good place now - but we're always tweaking things.

Best of luck on this new path!