friendship

[margene]

I'm wondering if it's normal to have friends forever. I'm just thinking about all the friends I've had over the years and most are no longer part of my live. I have one friend for thirty years, another for 25 years the rest have faded away. I don't think it's ever been my choice to end a friendship communication just kinda stopped gradually by the choice of the other person. I'm wondering if it's me that causes people to pull away from me.

[puglogic]

I'm of the opinion personally that there is no "normal" around this. Life just is. Some friendships might be meant to last a lifetime; some we outgrow; some people out grow us; some probably shouldn't have happened to begin with.

In my life, most of my real, true, precious friends are people I've met since growing up emotionally. My childhood friends all fell away when I started to move away from negative patterns and destructive behaviors. I have a very close friend who I met 25 years ago. We were close for ten years, distant for five more, and then grew back together when we both started doing some work on our "issues."

No pattern to any of it. I'm grateful for all friendships, no matter how long they last.

[Mrs-M]

A collector plate my mom has sums it up best.

True friends are like diamonds, precious but rare,

false friends are like Autumn leaves, found everywhere.

I, too, see no normalcy to friendship in general, other than some friendships stand the test of time, while others IMO are cast upon us to help us through life's fragments of time.

[razz]

I have longterm acquaintances who become close friends for a while and then we drift apart as life happens and then come together as one of us or both needs. I have more friends now than I have ever had before and I find that I am giving so much more as well as receiving. I have more time to devote attention to the giving and receiving as well.

[Tradd]

I think a lot of friends are "seasonal" - you share an activity (hobby group, church, volunteering) or maybe your kids go to the same school. Once the common interest/activity has ended, you no longer see them. I've had lovely friends from the various church congregations I've attended over the years, but some have made it clear that once you no longer attend the same church, they don't want to even keep in touch occasionally. Even when there has been nothing to strain relationship (simply moving to another city in the same metro area).

We're much more mobile as a society than we used to be. I know people who've had the same friends for 40-50 years, but they've always lived in pretty much the same area (except maybe for college). I recently reconnected via Facebook with one college friend, and via college alumni office with another (she was maybe coming to my city for a conference and so contacted alumni office, who sent me a snail mail letter with her email!). The latter friend has always lived in the same general area. The first friend moved to my current city five years after graduation, I followed her here (better job opportunities), but she left to get married shortly after.

I've attempted to keep in contact with my best friend from high school, but since I don't ever get back to the area I grew up in and she doesn't come here (except for one time, about 7 years ago on vacation when we met for lunch), we kind of drifted apart. I wrote her a letter recently. We'll see if I receive a response.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I think most friendships don't last forever and I'm fine with having friendships that don't last forever, as that's how it usually goes. By choice of the other person usually and I don't really blame myself because it's usually explainable by changes in the other person's life - is it the choice I would make? no but .... I am very loyal and would be quite capable of the forever thing, for better or worse ;) (haha, but never tried that particular forever thing, but even without romance - just friendship). 30 years and 25 years is doing good though.

[Gardenarian]

I don't have any forever friendships. It's not a really high priority for me, so, there you go. I try to be the best friend I can to the friends I have, but I find I get the intimacy I need from dh (and my dogs.) Family comes first for me, personal/spiritual development second, then work - friends fall in there somewhere but I'm afraid not at the top.

[early morning]

My best friends ARE family, really - my daughter, my sister and SIL, my cousins (DH, of course!). The others come and go, but family is forever. Thankfully, in our case, that's a GOOD thing!

[Mrs-M]

Originally posted by Earl Morning.
My best friends ARE family, really - my daughter, my sister and SILMy sister (oldest) and SIL, are my two best friends! Always there for me (us) no matter what, and me for them.

[Florence]

We have moved so often that I have very few long time friends. However, I have reconnected with one of my best high school friends on Facebook. I must admit though that I am not a very outgoing, friendly group person. I'd usually prefer to read a good book at home with DH.

[MissMandy]

I'm of the opinion personally that there is no "normal" around this. Life just is. Some friendships might be meant to last a lifetime; some we outgrow; some people out grow us; some probably shouldn't have happened to begin with.

In my life, most of my real, true, precious friends are people I've met since growing up emotionally. My childhood friends all fell away when I started to move away from negative patterns and destructive behaviors. I have a very close friend who I met 25 years ago. We were close for ten years, distant for five more, and then grew back together when we both started doing some work on our "issues."

No pattern to any of it. I'm grateful for all friendships, no matter how long they last.

Well said. I think if a friendship is meant to last it will. That's not to say that they don't require effort. I think managing friendships isn't much different then romantic relationships, it requires a desire to be there for one another through thick and thin as well as the ability to fight, makeup, and grow together.