how the latest talk went with my staff

[Zoe Girl]

Here it is kinda settled,

I sat down with my staff person and my supervisor yesterday to get through the write-up and conversation. R (the staff) had written a letter to go with the write up. Obviously we see things different. At the end she did say that she has lost her grandmother and brother in law recently, she had not requested any time off to go to funerals but I did know the BIL was being taken off life support. So I started the conversation with expressing sympathy for her losses. She lives in another state from her husband and daughter, her son does live here, and she only moved here in summer. I think I let some of her comments go farther because I saw some culture shock from small midwestern town to urban school district.

She said basically that things were not quite the way I wrote it up, that she had no idea of the due dates or that she had to call me before filing a police report (she did this with the security guard who I talked to as well about the innappropriateness of not calling me immediately). I didn't argue but I did talk about the time we discussed the due dates and she remembered the rest of everything but the due date. Another thing she brought up I recall picking a quiet time and the conversation we had but she did not recall it at all that way, she had an impression she was in some kind of trouble when it was something she helped us out with that I have said thank you for. We did end up in a better place, and then she stayed for our long meeting with the whole group and had a positive attitude. What really shocked me in her letter is that she seems to feel that this way of talking that I take as negative or just non-productive to mean we are being friends.

Here is the deal, my staff does not remember things I tell them accurately. My sup suggested putting in supports which I will do, and I have done before at other sites when no one seemed to recall due dates or what I told them in a meeting (that site had all staff with a first language other than English). I know that I move fast, think fast, process fast and skip steps mentally. But I have also spent my entire life adjusting because I know I do this different. It is my egotistical moment, I finally decided in the last few years to stop covering for my intelligence (but I am also not an ass about it). I am having a hard time slowing down and putting in even more supports than I have and I am concerned that in the process of doing more than I have I will come across condescending. I recall many conversations that R is now saying did not happen or she did not understand what I was saying. I am not sure how much more simple to make things. In one case I talked through it about 3 times and she still says she did not understand, I have tried to offer her support in the form of a kit with full curriculum and it took 5 attempts before she picked up the kit and took it. If it is going to take this much time for every task we are in deep doo doo because I am already behind in our goals and program quality. I am going to have to document every little thing now, I guess when an adult makes eye contact, does not ask for clarification and smiles and nods that is not enough. Or we could be in some total other territory like control issues, playing me, etc.

[Tradd]

ZG, put everything in writing. I learned to cover my butt years ago. If I have a phone conversation with someone, I send a follow up email confirming, "As per our telephone conversation, we talked about X and Y." If someone gives me very specific instructions for something, usually a customer, I will ask for it in writing (email), and I plainly say, "I will not go forward with X until I have it from you in writing." I just did that yesterday, when a customer told me to do something that was going to cost him thousands of dollars.

I don't know if your staff all have access to email. If they don't, then write up the old-fashioned memo. Have hand-outs available at the beginning of your meetings, and so forth.

I understand the frustration of dealing with folks who may not be as mentally quick as you are, at least on certain things. I'm like that with computer issues. But then other people are like that with numbers. My new GM was throwing numbers fast and furious at me in a phone call several days ago. I finally told him in a follow-up email that when it comes to numbers, it's much better for me if they're in writing.

[Dhiana]

What Tradd said times 10!

Definitely put these important points in writing also. No matter how many times someone explains things to me, it doesn't always stick until I can READ it. Reading it also gives me confidence to follow through correctly with the task.
Reading it helps makes sure I and all others involved are on the same page, helps eliminate confusion.
We all learn in different ways; verbal, aural and kinetic mostly. Knowing this has really helped me relate so much better with others :)

[iris lily]

I do a fair amount of documenting what I expect my staff to do, but to be truthful, that documentation is as much for me as for them. I want my own record of what I told them! I see employees who bring pen and paper to meetings and those who do not, and there is a correlation with their performance.

It's a good idea to repeat deadlines a couple of times verbally. Issue it once in writing. Beyond that--staff who regularly can't keep up are not suited for the job.

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you all, I have some mini notebooks we are going to use that can be put in a carrier with their ID and a couple bandaids so they always have it. We work with kids before and after school so they may have access to email at work when things are slowed way down in the last 30 minutes however now we are serving dinners! So we are very much on our feet and going quick all the time. I have up to 5 programs a day running in the building however this is my core program as licensed childcare.

I did have one lady at another school who simply could not keep up with planning and remembering things. She made it more about me than about the job, I think that happens when new staff does not see other sites (I hate to be rude but I feel everyone should do a couple days at our largest site of 115 children after school, we have under 30). I actually had a documented conversation about what she needed to be able to do and without my constant help. She turned in her 2 week notice, but a year later she came back and works for a different school and is very nice to me.

So part of it is that everyone learns different and part of it is that the nature of this job takes quick thinking on your feet and a strong team that understands each other when there is not time for a meeting (this week we found out with half a days notice the PTA was putting up jumpy houses inside the building in shared space after school, aaack, we did pretty well with making last minute adjustments to supervise 23 kids in jumpy houses)

[herbgeek]

I mean this with kindness, Zoe. But I can't always follow your posts as to what the issue actually is, because you put in a lot of details, some of which aren't always relevant to the story you are making. Perhaps your staff members have the same experience- it may not always be clear what exactly it is you are asking for. Or there are so many details, that they can't tell which items is the most important. Putting things in writing helps to clarify this, as well as documenting it, and helping those who learn and acquire information in ways that are different from you.

[JaneV2.0]

I mean this with kindness, Zoe. But I can't always follow your posts as to what the issue actually is, because you put in a lot of details, some of which aren't always relevant to the story you are making. Perhaps your staff members have the same experience- it may not always be clear what exactly it is you are asking for. Or there are so many details, that they can't tell which items is the most important. Putting things in writing helps to clarify this, as well as documenting it, and helping those who learn and acquire information in ways that are different from you.

I never understand what's going on here, either, but I agree with others about documentation and clarity of communication. Something straightforward with bullet points, maybe.

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you, I won't take offense. It is good to get feedback. I know sometimes I confuse things with extra information and so I went to more streamlined communication, less getting into stories which I probably should do here as well. Then things got even more tense. I was more telling people what to do and less talking about why.

What all that extra crap was about is that our workplace requires we communicate quickly and effectively because we often have last minute information without a chance to have a meeting or communicate any other way. I am way behind on all the things we need to talk about and change and improve as it is, and now I am feeling so overwhelmed because the conversations I thought we had were not effective so I have to go back and re-do it all with the added tension that I recall multiple conversations and they don't remember.

Is that better?