Having it all?

[MamaM]

http://shine.yahoo.com/work-money/former-cfo-erin-callan-regrets-not-having-children--reignites-work-life-balance-debate-194956243.html

My thoughts are this..you can a good life, whether you work, stay home, have six kids, 1 or none, 12 dogs or 1 cranky cat. : ) Married, single, roommates, whatever...

I think for me, it's about prioritizing. I am DEFINITELY going through this right now. I have decided to focus on my career (continuing informal education and just trying to do the best at what I do) and my family- we go somewhere every weekend and during the week, I am home to read stories, help with showers and make a nice dinner. What I give up? Huge house and a lot of stuff. I keep it as simple as possible. We don't have the gadgets and toys and big fancy stuff. I always have worked 8-5 and then put work away. Maybe 2-3x a month, I work from home on the weekends but I really try to focus while at work and do well but plow through.

We are saving as much $$$ as we can so we can enjoy life now. I have seen too many people die right after they reach retirement, with big bank accounts and a lot of regrets. I think one needs to save but also have a little fun. Again, simple living allows me to do this.

I don't know if this is the right answer but I think I am more mindful of keeping a healthy balance and knowing everythings comes with a sacrafice somewhere.

[redfox]

You can have it all, not just all at once. In fact, and the end of my life, I imagine I'll look back and see that I did have it all.

[Valley]

You can have it all, not just all at once. In fact, and the end of my life, I imagine I'll look back and see that I did have it all.

Love it Redfox...so, so true!

[Mighty Frugal]

I'm sorry for anyone who looks back with regret. We are all (to a certain extent) masters of our destiny.

For me, I know I would have been perfectly happy and content remaining single and never having children. I was a serial monogamous and would have continued that path. I was also a career-woman and loved my job and didn't mind the time spent there (or the $$ that came with it)

But in my mid 30s that changed. I settled down and had kids in my late 30s.

Now as a wife, mother I cannot imagine my life without my kids. I am so happy I did have them, but I know had I not, I would have been OK.

I'm still working but no where near the hours I put in before children.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Article: blah. To me stepkids would be enough and I'm hard pressed to understand what she's complaining about (or adoption, or fostering, or maybe just volunteering or teaching). Here's the thing: i can see wanting to contribute to the next generation, I can grok *that* part, but I really don't need to reproduce my own percioussssssss DNA.

In fact I regard it as in many ways undesirable given things like the population of the world at present levels of technology etc. (plus my DNA is problematic in itself). Besides the fact that it's the stupid stereotype of people only regretting not having kids, but the truth is people sometimes regret *having* kids as well at least at various points in their life (on their death bed? I don't know about that, but at various points before then ... is that the only point that counts?). Some regret even if their kids are little angels, because they wanted something else from life, and some because their kids take really bad turns.

I do generally agree on the need for work life balance of course! Yes, for kids if you have them, but also for friends and lovers, for contributing to your community and volunteering, for thinking and pondering and learning and exploring, for civic involvement, for hobbies, for taking care of old folks, etc. etc..

[Zoebird]

I have to say, I feel like I have it all right now and it's pretty darn amazing. I'm super-happy.

[Fawn]

Hmmm....maybe it is possible to have it all serially as redfox proposes. But most of the stress of my life has been the tightrope walk between demanding work and single parenting. When I was married, adding a husband in the mix just added to the stress (but that may have been the quality of the husband I chose.)

I don't even want to have it all any more. Just a nap, thanks.

[rerun]

Funny, because the Sheryl Sandburg article in Time has been on my mind. After reading it I wondered what her life and relationships are really like. To be honest, I think Sheryl Sandburg wants to run for an elected position some day. I like Erin Callan's honesty about her regrets and at least expressing that "having it all" in a career is not all that it is cracked up to be. The part that bothers me is that women can't have it all even if they tried because the corporate world still hasn't adjusted with our country being so behind in family leave, pumping at work etc. etc. The youtube video of Sheryl Sandberg's TED points out a lot of this and the statistics are sad. I do know myself that I struggle with balance and I actually just started a thread about it before I saw this :). We have emphasized my husband's career for now at the sacrifice of mine (our choice together) and now I wonder if it is the best decision. The idea of us both working full time with two kids is scary though. I know a lot of couples do it, but I know they sacrifice so much of themselves in terms of physical and mental health to make it work. Here is the Sheryl Sandberg talk if you are interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18uDutylDa4.