Decluttering old Christmas cards

[frugalone]

Please settle this argument for me.

My spouse would save every scrap of paper that comes into the household if it were up to him.

Last night I tried to throw out some old Christmas cards and thank you notes. He pulled them out of the trash, saying they were addressed to him, too, and I had no business throwing them out.

Now, to be perfectly honest, he has no clue where I keep things like this, and if I had, say, taken them to the local grocery store and put them in THEIR trash, he'd never miss them. It's not like he ever says, "Hey, hon, where's that thank you note our nephew sent us after his 5th birthday party?"

Am I wrong here? Or what?

[catherine]

I'm sorry, I have to defend your husband on this one. I am a document packrat. I'll throw out everything in my house, but I treasure every letter that people have written to me.

Now on the other hand, cards are different. I don't consider them as sacred, because usually it's only the name signed on a store-bought card. In the case of Christmas cards, I repurpose them as gift tags the next year by cutting them up and using the picture(s).

So, I might speak to your spouse about why the cards are so important to him, and once you let him talk, he may conclude that some things are not as important as others. But if my spouse threw out cards from my relatives to me, I'd be angry. I hate to sound like a hoarder--I'm really not--but I just value those "touchpoints" from people in my life. If my spouse asked me why I keep them in a non-threatening way and I couldn't come up with a good answer, I'd throw them out.

[frugalone]

I save Christmas cards if they contain a handwritten note in them, if the person has since passed on, if they contain one of those "what we did all year" letters. But just a card signed "Love, Mary"? No.

Some of the cards I tossed were those "photo cards." They were mostly of my immediate family. We take lots of pictures at the holidays that are quite honestly more attractive than the ones on those cards. I have over 7 years worth of family photographs that are waiting to be put in albums. He takes absolutely no interest in the photo albums, in genealogy (even for his own family) or any sort of filing system (he is a pack rat). He would never consider making them into tags because he'd never be able to find them next year!

Quite honestly, I wonder if this is some sort of control issue. Almost like "I don't want them, but you're not gonna throw them out." One time I was giving away some clothes to the local charity and he went through the bags and gave one of my dresses to a neighbor. I found that to be a little peculiar. It's not like she was poor or something. I have since asked him not to do things like that.

You don't sound like a hoarder at all, by the way.

[catherine]

I totally understand what you're saying, and it may be a control issue, or it may be (and don't take this the wrong way--it's just that you and your DH sound like me and mine) that he doesn't trust that you will not throw out something he wants.

I've seen my DH wantonly throw out things that belong to the kids for instance.. like a waffle iron my daughter left at home, or a chiminea that my son got as a gift--he was in an apartment and couldn't use it so he left it in our garage. DH got frustrated with the clutter in the garage and just threw everything out without telling the kids. I thought that was wrong.

So, again, to be honest, when DH has thrown out bags of clothes, I'll give them a passing glance, without letting him see me, just to be absolutely sure my wedding gown isn't in there lol (JK--I actually lost my wedding down in a fire)

If I were you, I would simply say, when you're cleaning out clutter, "Honey, here's a bag I'm getting rid of. Please check and make sure there's nothing you really want." He'll probably let the whole bag go.

[frugalone]

Good point. I know I accidentally gave a skirt to the Salvation Army once!
The thing is, he'll go through stuff and it's like, "Oh, why do you want to get rid of this?" and "you're throwing that out? WHy? it's a perfectly good thingamajig." He just doesn't want to throw away *anything*.

I told him last night I'm just not touching anything that belongs to him anymore.

[catherine]

I told him last night I'm just not touching anything that belongs to him anymore.

Good move. I think it's just inevitable in a marriage that one spouse's trash is another's treasure. I'll want to throw out DH's 13th messed-up golf shirt and he'll stop me because of course he needs 13 old shirts for working on the car. But he can't see why I keep these letters and tax returns and diaries etc. So as long as it all stays manageable within the confines of our four walls, we make allowances for each other's obsessions.