My latest rant re neighbours, DH and the overall weirdness life with medical pot

[cgelsie]

So, here is the latest installment of the war between DH and the neighbours. I probably shouldn't even be bringing it up again because we are all now so google-able. However, I have to go home from work, see what DH's response has been, maybe calm him down, not freak out DD (cause I'm home early) and try to be mature enough to not finger the cameras the neighbours have pointed at my home.

At some point in the past few months, the neighbours finally did the reasonable thing and took a petition around re: medical marihuana in residential areas. I don't know what the question was or when they did it. Assuming the petition didn't violate my civil rights, that is entirely the proper response in my opinion. Democratic process and all that. We only found out about it by accident so I'll probably never know how they phrased the question or what the overall response was.

For its own reasons, City Council discussed the matter earlier this week and basically decided (based on the small numbers involved in our city) to support other municipalities and the Council of Municipalities in their attempts to get the federal govt to deal with this and/or pass by-laws that hold up in a court of law.

With reservations regarding the cost involved, city staff was to look into setting up a dispute resolution process through the A-G. My neighbours were not amused. DH was.

[cgelsie]

To continue, the next day, DH goes out with the dog to have a camera stuck in his face. "We're local TV here to speak to your neighbour, do you have anything to say." "No, but I will be calling my lawyer."

I watched the neighbours spot online last night. Very articulate, very concerned, very put upon. I don't entirely disagree with his concerns. Every level of govt wants to pass the buck, no one wants to spend any money coming up with resolutions and no one really wants a free-for-all. But his spot was also rather, well, deceptive. He went on as John Doe to protect his neighbours' safety. Ah, that's so sweet. Maybe John Doe should have thought of that last year when he peppered the neighbourhood with both of our addresses. I don't know if John Doe knows this, but people all over town, upon seeing my address, have asked me if I know the A.H. in the letter and they don't usually mean DH (although some do).

And maybe John Doe should have pointed out that anyone who comes to rob or do harm to us, not only has to get by our security measures but past the camera he has recording everything that happens in our front yard and in the front of our house if we leave the curtains open.

And why did John Doe bother being John Doe on TV when John Doe is Himself Living On Our Street in the local newspaper where he tells everyone exactly how our homes are located in relation to each other. And maybe, if what Himself claims is true, that people are going to his house thinking he has the medical mj grow up, well, maybe that's because Himself put both of our addresses on his letter and they are confused.

And I'm sorry that Himself is so troubled by the odour. So am I. Perhaps if DH hadn't felt it necessary to build so he could gain us some privacy back, it wouldn't have been so bad. And perhaps if the spying of Himself and Mrs. Himself and/or the yelling of DH hadn't caused so many contractors to say this little job isn't worth this *#%&#, the building would actually be finished and not so stinky.

[bae]

What is the back-story here?

[cgelsie]

It may not be wise, but it is nice to have a place to dump this stuff. I really need to avoid saying these things to the local newspapers because nothing is going to change. Both parties are firmly entrenched in their certainty that the other party is all wrong. The truly sad thing is that as far as I can tell Himself, Mrs Himself and DH are really the only people who care about their drama. I sympathize with all of their views. It's awful when life doesn't go your way. But I also think the three of them need to get real lives like everyone else. If DH is their only problem, if they are DH's only problem then we all have better lives then a number of our neighbours. If for their various own reasons, they weren't always in each others faces, there wouldn't be a problem. However, because I live there, I keep getting sucked in to their mutual foolishness. And, unfortunately our children do to.

Any advice may not be followed but it will be appreciated (even if I hate it).

[CathyA]

cgelsie, you might get some replies if you told us what happened to start with..........what led up to this problem in your neighborhood. I don't think there are any posts anywhere explaining this.

[loosechickens]

O.K., am I gleaning this from the jumble accurately? Your DH is apparently growing his own medical marijuana legally (or is a legal "grower" for medical marijuana for sale). Your neighbors are up in arms about the growing, their worries about the "wrong sort of people" coming into the neighborhood looking for the pot, either to buy some or share some or rob you? They are trying to get it stopped. Your DH is engaged in a Hatfield/McCoys type of back and forth with the neighbors, and somehow you feel sucked into the whole drama, even though you can see everyone's side. Is this any degree of accuracy?

If it is, unless and until some legalities are brought into play to limit DHs ability to engage in his business (hobby? self sufficiency in providing his own medication?), which will delight the neighbors, or to give him carte blanche to follow his muse, in which case the neighbors are out of luck, this little drama will continue with all concerned jockeying for position, advantage or just because they enjoy the excitement.

Maybe it's time for the whole bunch of you to sit down with a fat doobie and a big plate of brownies, and laugh at the whole situation and yourselves........just kidding, but not totally...........

There are things that are not clear. Bae is right....what is the backstory here? What are these terrible "odours", and why should they be there, and what were the contractors supposed to be doing that would have alleviated that, except for the fact that THEY weren't willing to endure the drama, and felt the job wasn't worth it?

But, don't think that getting this particular problem adjudicated will solve the problem. I've seen people engaged in similar behavior over a house painted in a color the neighbors didn't like, children who got into a fight and one's child hit another's child, etc. Sometimes it's just people who like a certain level of drama in their lives and if it isn't one thing, they'll find another. This almost feels like that, just from what you've posted.

I'm not sure why you feel you have to be involved. Isn't it possible for you to tell all concerned that you see points on all sides, but don't want to engage in the drama, so they will have to do so among themselves? Why should YOU feel the desire to give the neighbor's cameras the finger? Unless you like a bit of drama yourself?

You SAY you don't want to be involved, but these posts certainly seem to indicate that you are. If your DH and the neighbors can't let go of it, there is nothing stopping YOU from doing so. Leave them to it, ignore the whole bunch of them and go about your life. Because you are "counting coup" as well, it sounds like. Not the best thing for your inner calmness.

I'm willing to bet that there's been plenty of escalation on ALL sides in this little tempest in a teapot, and at least some of the participants are having a fine time and enjoying it.

[iris lily]

hey there, loose! I've got Hatfield hill people in my fmaily lineage so don't go dissin' them, ya hear me!??

ha ha

I remember the OPs earlier posts. Living next door to drug dealers is neve rmy first choice.

[loosechickens]

But, Iris Lily, isn't it HER husband who's growing the pot? And the neighbors who are circulating a petition to stop them? is this even the same person who was talking about drug dealers living next door to them? If it's the same folks, then I really AM mixed up.

I DO remember someone posting on the old boards about someone next door growing and dealing dope, and neglecting their kids, etc., and whether or not they should move, report the people to children's services, etc., but I THINK this is a completely different thing......

maybe the OP will come back and clarify......

not to worry......I'm from West Virginia myself....surely I have some Hatfield/McCoy type folks in MY lineage, too....hahahaha. Sorry!

I just had a terrible thought.......what if THIS lady is the neighbor that the other lady was complaining about? Naw....couldn't be....there ARE three hundred plus million people in this country. That would be TOO coincidental.....

We'll just have to wait for more info from the OP......sounds like an interesting soap opera, though..... (as long as we just are reading about it and not in the middle of it in real life, I guess)

[cgelsie]

Aargh. To try to respond for a third time (technology hates me today).

I'm not the lady with the drug dealers next door. I can't remember her name right now. She lived in the countryside, I think, somewhere in the States. Also her neighbours had built some kind of lean-to of a grow shed. I also think she said that they were putting their children at risk because they had no escape in case of fire.

We live in Canada. We have had built a garage/grow room according to our city's building codes. We are currently non-complient in one aspect. The roofers didn't put on snowguards when they put on the roof. The weather changed for the worse so they never came back to finish.

[cgelsie]

Maybe if I whine in quick chunks, the gremlins will let me proceed.

Loosechickens is right that all parties are entrenched in their positions. Neighbours feel that they should not have to live next door to DH and his pot. DH feels he should not have to live his life according to their rules. I feel that life is pretty good for the most part and if the three of them would quit dragging me into their battle, pretty good would shoot up to great.

[loosechickens]

So your path is clear.....life is pretty good for you, and as long as you stay out of their vendettas, it could be great.....so you know what to do. Turn a deaf ear to the whole thing, mumble something like "how interesting" as you continue to read the paper....let their voices recede in the rear view mirror of daily life.....smoke a bit of your hubby's product if that helps......... ;-)

and, if all else fails.....you can come here and vent, then we'll all jump all over you and next to all of US trying to mind your business, being enmeshed in your hubby's and the neighbor's business will seem like a piece of cake.......

actually, not meaning to sound flippant....it IS hard to live with adults who are getting their jollies by creating drama and excitement with something like this......but you DO have a choice....and can make it, and refuse to get involved. Keep working at it, because they can't drag you in without your cooperation, that's for sure.

Good luck.....

[cgelsie]

It's probably a good thing life keeps pulling me away from here and the system times out losing all my words. Otherwise, you would have all been forced to relive the drama with me.

I guess I feel guilty about where I maybe should have jumped in and where I should have stayed out of it.

I know DH often feels very unsupported and unloved because I don't care as passionately about all this as he does. I figure he's working to follow the rules so it shouldn't matter that the Neighbours have cameras spying on us. For him, it's the principal of the thing.

I feel bad because medical mj itself and some peoples concerns about it are getting kicked around when the real problem is the actions and reactions of DH and Neighbours.

I feel bad that the pot smell is so bad because the siding isn't on the outside of the garage and the inside walls are only insulated and not finished.

I'm immensely frustrated that DH and Neighbours seem to feel if they don't "win", everything will stay in the same miserable status quo.

[cgelsie]

I'll try to be more articulate when I drop in again. I'll also try to live as if I believe that I am only responsible for how I act and feel. I do believe that in an intellectual way, it's the practice that sucks. Especially since at some point I expect my parents to try and get me to move or close the med grow up because of poor Neighbours and their feelings.

Thanks for the forum for venting.

[sweetana3]

Just a note that both parties (not you, cgelsie as far as I understand) are acting like superior "I know best and to hell with anyone else" people. In fact, in England there are even TV shows on who has the worst neighbor and some of their stories show that some are willing to live in hell on earth to prove their points.

You have to provide the alternative role for your kids or they will grow up and continue the behavior in their own lives. Doesn't matter if it is pot or fence lines or flowers, people fight about all kinds of things.

[reader99]

I'm not following about the pot smell. Smell of smoke from smoking it? In which case a smokeless ashtray and an air cleaner might be a good idea. Or what? compost?

[loosechickens]

I think it's a good point about the kids....perhaps that would be a way of getting your husband's attention about allowing this tit for tat sort of attitude with the neighbors to go by the wayside. Principle is a good thing, but it's also a matter of principle to model for your children good methods of conflict resolution, ability to get along with others, learning to compromise, etc.

If your husband is not TOO invested in making sure he "wins" with the neighbors, perhaps appealing to his parental role model and what it may be doing to set his kids up for future problems in dealing with neighbors and others with whom they have difficulties, might be effective.

Because what one poster said is correct....it's more a method of dealing with difficulties than it is the difficulty itself, and once learned, that method of dealing with conflict may find itself cropping up in lots of other areas of life.

It IS hard, especially for you, who seems to be an unwilling partner in all this, but I suspect your kids are being affected in far more subtle, but negative ways, so finding a way to sit down with the neighbors, talk out differences, try to find ways to compromise and make enough changes in both parties' attitudes to allow some kind of harmony, might be the best way to go.

In that spirit, engaging in some kind of dispute resolution program with an objective third party, either the "official" one the local government suggests, or even a private arbitration service or other third party with some experience in untangling disputes would be both a possible solution to the worst of the problems and certainly a better model for your kids of how to deal with problems.

Just a thought.....sometimes appealing to parental role model issues can be effective. I know that when nothing else reached me in my twenties when I was a smoker, the message of what a bad role model I was for my little kids is the one that did the trick, and allowed me to quit at age 26 and never go back. The wish of a loving parent not to harm their children is powerful.

[JaneV2.0]

For some reason, this reminds me of my mother carefully watering my sibling's marijuana plants, having not the slightest idea how they sprung up in her lovingly tended garden of cultivated and wild flowers--or even what they were. >8) Fortunately, our neighbors weren't nosy or self-righteous enough to notice or care.

[Susan]

My biggest beef would be cameras pointed at my house. Big invasion of privacy. I would go to court to get that resolved.