This is my life these days...

[SiouzQ.]

Wake up at 5:15 am. At work by 6:00. Work my butt off. Get off around 2:00 or 2:30. Run a few errands/grocery shop/whatever on the way home. Eat something (lunch/early dinner, I'm never really sure). Mess around on the computer. Shower/or not these days (I know this sounds gross to some but sometimes I realize I haven't showered in two or three days. I don't think I am offensive though). Then I think about dragging myself out to actually do something with real people but think better of it because I just cannot get myself to leave the house these days unless it is to go to work or procure food. So I usually get involved with making jewelry for my fledgling side business or otherwise totally occupy my time being by myself at my house.

Rinse. Repeat. This has been going on for weeks; I just cannot get myself to break out of this cycle of being a hermit, and most of the time, I am pretty okay with it but sometimes I just think I am so weird, seeing myself through others eyes. I think I have trained my housemate about my proclivities, and he isn't around all that much anyway.

I try to analyze why this hermetic lifestyle thing is has gained such a toe-hold in me ~ I can blame a lot of it on my schedule at WF. I got what I wished for all those months ago when they had me doing all three shifts in the same week, which was kind of slowly killing me. I have been consistently on the early am shift for months now and my body has been trained to get tired really, really early. Once I get home from work mid-afternoon, I cannot seem to get myself to leave the house again until I have to go to work the next morning.

I guess I am doing okay, all things considered, but I am just so tired all the time and my energy level is not at all what I would like. But I have to remember all the things that are going on with me ~ the on-going knee pain issue, impending menopause, fighting a perpetual cold for weeks on end, the allergic reaction that sent me to the ER, being on strong steroid drugs for a week, being 52, having a physically demanding job, being a cheerful customer service drone ~ I guess all this really takes a toll on me.

I am trying hard to take things one day at a time, especially this time of year. I never know how I am going to feel on any given day and there have been many, many times lately that I have sworn to myself that there is something I am going to go out and do (within reason, given my schedule) like see a band play, see my musician friends, go to an open mic, go to a movie I wanted to see, but I just end up backing out of all of it to stay home and putter around my house making stuff or catching up on shows on Netflix.

I am trying to accept this is just where I am at at this point in my life and go with it without putting a value judgment on it. I find myself still fighting my INFP personality at times; at other times I totally embrace and accept it.

One thing about being a hermit is that I save a lot of money and gas :)

[nswef]

Dear SiouzQ, Don't be so hard on yourself. It sounds like a very busy schedule. Working with the public is soul draining and you must remember that you need time for renewal and rest. You are taking that time. We put so many "shoulds" on ourselves. Just reading what you do every day is enough to make me want to take a nap. At 64 I find any social contact takes a lot more out of me than it used to do. Enjoy the puttering and sleeping. Breathe. I have found that once I am out if I do one thing on my list before I get home...it will get done. But once I hit the door to the house, all outside events are not done! I accept that now.

[SiouzQ.]

Thanks nswef, I know, I am trying to not be so hard on myself. Last week when I was on the Prednisone it made me feel ten years younger and it felt SO good! I now know that for all the great feeling it gave me, there is such a downside to being on steroids. I just wish I could have that same energy somehow. I need to relook at my diet and see if I can make any changes. Sugar is becoming a big influence on me again - there is a guy who consistently brings donuts to work and I'm finding I just cannot pass them up anymore. Ditto on the caffeine. I am firmly entrenched in its addictive powers. Then there is the issue of getting enough exercise, aside from running around work. Until I find out more about the knee problem, I am having to pull back on the amount of walking I am doing because it aggravates the knee pain. I finally had the MRI ~ the good news is I don't have a torn meniscus but I do have tendonosis (which I guess is chronic tendon inflamation), fluid on the knees, and something called patello/femoral something or other (I haven't actually seen the full MRI report; this is just what the nurse told me at the doctor's office). I am going back in for a followup and will hopefully find out what the next step in solving the knee issues will be.

I have today off. I managed to sleep in until 8:30 (that's because I was awake from about 3am-4am) which is a miracle. I am very tired and am fighting another cold.
The only thing I am doing today out of the house is me and my buddy are going to go record some songs. I hope my voice is okay today...

[Tammy]

I work 8-10 hr days Mon - Fri as a psych nurse. I spend most evenings at home, enjoying the silence, and go to bed at 8-9 pm. When work is intense, we need downtime alone. Nothing is wrong with your life.

I get socialized on days off. Good enough. :)

[Miss Cellane]

You know, I'm 52 and I don't have the energy I used to. My sister is 43 and she was commenting the other day that she re-read a journal entry from when she was in her 20s and she can't believe the amount of things she did in just one day.

So don't beat yourself up over this.

One thing to look at is to make sure you are getting enough sleep. I find that without enough sleep, everything falls apart. I'm too tired to eat right or cook or take my daily walk or any of the other little self-care things that keep me healthier.

You might also consider consolidating the errands so that two days a week, you can come straight home from work. Get home, have a healthy snack and take a nap. See if that gives you an energy boost for the rest of the day.

If your days off aren't regular, that's another reason you are tired. If you never have two days off together, that's another reason. I know I really feel the effects when I have to work on Saturdays and only have a one-day "weekend."

And dealing with people can be draining. I'm an introvert and right now at work, we're in the middle of a huge project that involves about 250 temporary workers. My job requires me to be there on the floor with them, working right alongside them, coaching them, inspecting their work, keeping them on track. I have a group of 12 people I'm responsible for, and I'll admit I stagger home at night tired to the bone.

And if you try getting enough sleep for a month and it doesn't help, consider getting a physical. I did, and found out I was anemic. Now that the problem has been identified and I'm treating the issue, while I don't have the energy I had when I was 25, I do feel better and am able to do more fun things, instead of just dragging from work to home.

[pinkytoe]

I think women and society underestimate the effect of menopause on many women. Going through all of that was one of the hardest times in my life. And yes, you might be anemic - I was almost the walking dead when mine was finally revealed. Anemia can also make you feel depressed. Thankfully, now that I am past all the menopause stuff, I feel much better so there is a light at the end of that tunnel. I am wondering if you might benefit from some "nature" time - just being outside in the sunshine or walking in the park, etc. I have worked retail and I recall how draining it can be.

[SiouzQ.]

All good things to look into, everyone. I rarely have two days off in a row, so that is a valid reason to be tired all the time. I find when I actually have a day off I don't get much done at all; I pretty much save it for resting. It is hard to switch gears mentally about all this because I think I *should* be able to run around and do lots of stuff during my time off work. The week I got to take the steroid gave me a glimpse of my former energy level, albeit it made me a little hypo-manic. I guess I am still recovering from all that, plus I can feel an impending period coming on (I am still having a fairly regular cycles, but the side effects of PMS and other thjngs are quite a bit more pronounced these days).

I am gently trying to tell myself I can only do one day at a time and I just cannot predict which days I'll have enough energy to do anything more than just the basic things, like make it through work. I NEED this job right now because of the health insurance and now that I am getting deeper into debt it doesn't leave me a lot of choices right now. I have toyed with the idea of switching departments in the future to something that isn't quite so strenuous but Whole Foods (and retail in general) requires a lot of on-your-feet-eight-hours-a-day type of energy and I'll be damned if I give into not doing certain types of jobs because of my age. I am still pretty young and relatively healthy; I just have to continually find a way that will work for me and not burn me out so much...

[lhamo]

Hang in there, SQ. I had a stretch at work recently where I was working 10-12 hour days for almost two weeks straight -- our CEO was visiting over a weekend that included a conference, so I didn't get any time off that weekend. By the end of it I was so exhausted I pretty much slept the entire weekend. Your body just doesn't snap back as quickly from that kind of thing as you get older, I've realized. This week was comparatively less busy/stressful, but I'm STILL feeling exhausted.

I also work an early day -- up at 4:30, leave for the bus at 5:30, work 7-3ish, home at 4:15-4:30ish if I leave at 3. When I get home DH typically starts nagging me about going to the gym but it is often REALLY hard to make myself do it. I am just wiped out. I'm usually in bed by 9-9:30, read for 15-30 minutes (though sometimes I'm nodding off after just 5-10). I rarely agree to extra events during the week. If I do something social or group oriented in the evening I not only get home late, I also find it hard to wind down from that extra stimulation. Which means I'm not going to sleep until 11-12 and STILL getting up at 4:30 the next morning. The next day is pretty much a disaster in terms of my ability to focus and get real work done. When I do have those days, I typically spend most of the next day doing mindless stuff like sorting and filing emails. And I have a desk job. I don't think my body could take a full day of physical work if I hadn't rested the night before.

[Dawn]

I, too, have been thinking a lot about my energy lately - and how I want to spend it. It's challenging not to bow to the societal expectations that we should be spending our evening/free time out socializing, etc. There is something very positive to be said for listening to your own body and your own personal need for interactions or activities outside your home. Having just moved into my own space after living with others (husband, children, partner, roommate, etc) for many years, I'm now striving to trying listen to my own rhythm and needs and plan a routine and schedule that works for me - but it's often hard to quiet that voice in in the head that keeps repeating "you should be" more social/active/etc....It so important that we keep supporting ourselves and each other to listen to and live our own truths.

[SteveinMN]

"Today I will not should all over myself."

I'm not sure who said that, but I've discovered "should" is a dangerous word. It assumes and depersonalizes.

DW and I have been learning how to manage our energy levels over the past few years. We've concluded that work itself is fundamentally different than it used to be: every organization is getting by with as few people as possible even if they are trying to grow their business. There were/are many evenings when we got home just exhausted from the pace of the
day. In addition, there are so many opportunities to interact with people, which is great if you're an extrovert, but neither of us are. And the years have an effect as well. It's tougher to bounce back from extreme levels of activity and we're finding that getting enough sleep is critical.

Some of it, I think, is that, for various reasons, both of us downshifted maybe into one gear too low and it's hard to get back in a higher gear. But it is what it is. We have on occasion changed social plans (when we're not the hosts) when we feel we just don't have it in us to go and do that thing. We've scaled back project plans to address the reality of our energy levels (and, sometimes, "should" levels). It's sometimes a bit scary to think we'll pick up speed as we coast further down the hill of increasing age. But it is what it is.

[Tammy]

I agree with Steve ... It's the pace that does me in. After forced multitasking for 8 plus hours, in an environment where safety for patients and staff is always on my mind ... I must have the evening entirely quiet and unplanned. Otherwise the next day i have neck aches, headaches, upset stomach. The only should is taking care of myself ...

[ApatheticNoMore]

Well this is my average weekday: get up about 8am sometimes reset alarm and sneak in another 1/2-1 hour, then when get up: make tea, get ready for work: bathe, get dressed, maybe do something with my hair etc.. If I haven't reset the alarm I often take some leisure time, often this is nothing more than wasting time on the internet and I could cut down a bit on this, sometimes it's journaling for 1/2 hour or walking (if I don't walk then I do tend to later in the day but morning walks are nice), get my lunch ready (it's already made usually, it's just about putting it a transportable container etc.). Head off to work about 9:30, 1 hour or so getting there (about 50 minutes of that in the car). Work 10:30-7:00 with 1/2 hour lunch. 1 hour getting home, it's 8 o'clock when I get home. Warm up dinner (unless I sadly haven't even planned enough to have leftovers ready to go). Eat dinner. Then do the various things I do in the evening: waste too much time on the internet, cook future dinners and lunches, do chores like laundry, continue to learn stuff for my career (slow progress that, because it's not what I WANT to do after a long day's work), stare at the wall, lie around, read books here and there. Occasionally I spend weeknights with others, but most nights aren't.

And I don't have the energy for much else except on weekends, when I do do more. It's really becoming clear to me in my mind, I'd rather earn a lot less (and no a lot less isn't poverty and I don't want poverty) for a job near home with not too much stress and not the really insane overtime requirements this job has (it's not a lot of overtime but it's at 3am and 4am in the night!). But it doesn't mean I can actually get such a job, jobs being hard to come by these days.

[debi]

I understand how you feel. I'm still going through menopause symptoms -- get hot flashes in the middle of the night and wake up so not a sound or restful sleep (not night sweats, but hot flashes waking you up from a dead sleep). I work FT -- I get up at 4:00 a.m., make my lunch and SO's lunch, bring the dog out for her morning duties afterwards, come in take a shower, start getting ready for work, wake SO up at 5:45 - 6:00 a.m. and make his breakfast, then continue getting ready. Leave the house about 7:00 a.m. for work (earlier in the winter due to the snow and road conditions) as it's a 45 mile drive for me. Work from 8:00 - 5:00 p.m., get home and cook dinner, wash the dishes and watch a bit of TV or read. I'm in bed early, so don't get any housework done until the weekend. SiouzQ - don't feel like you're alone. Aging does slow one down plus look at how much you really do that exhausts you.

[redfox]

Wow, Debi! When I was going through those very symptoms, I got help from my co-householders, as I was toasted.

[frugalone]

I think women and society underestimate the effect of menopause on many women.

I am 49 and I think I am going through menopause. I have almost no energy, no desire to socialize with anyone. I often make plans to see people and then I'm sorry I did it. I want to back out!

I have trouble getting a proper night's sleep as well. My doctor says "everyone he knows is tired."

I had no idea I am not alone. I kept thinking maybe I was sliding toward mental illness because I just want to be left alone a lot of the time. Or maybe I'm "sick-sick" because I have no energy. Maybe not...

[SiouzQ.]

When I got to work this morning I saw that a supervisor position has opened up in my department...I have a feeling that "they" expect that maybe I'll put my resume/application into the ring for it but to be honest with myself and my abilities, I have decided not to for a variety of good reasons. The main one is that I don't think I am physically capable of the the stress involved being a supervisor of the the front-end deli at a Whole Foods. My knees are shot; I've gotten the MRI results and though I don't have a torn meniscus, I do have a lot of other things going on ~ severe tendonosis, arthritis, fluid on the knees, etc. Another main one is that I have no desire to be in a position of authority; it just doesn't fit with my loner-introvert personality. I really have a very low tolerance for stress. I need my life to be my own at my age. I don't want to move up (though I do like the idea of a higher hourly wage) I don't think it would be enough of a pay bump to warrant all the extra stress and wear.

I'm at the age where having control over how I want my life to be is super-important. I am finally getting to be creative and do my artwork and I'll be damned if I let Whole Foods suck out any more of my life energy. As it is, the work I do is gradually stealing it away from me, as I am tired and sore all of the time, albeit in some ways I am in better shape than ever because of all the activity.

I go back to the orthopedic surgeon in a few weeks to find out what I should do about my knees; I will put off any decisions about work until then. I am thinking of possibly switching departments to something that may not be quite as strenuous if something opens up going forward. Until then, I need to be very careful about my self-care routine. I am trying to eat better, and get enough sleep, one day at a time. Tonight I am really tired and decided what I need to do is crash on the couch and watch some good ol' Netflix stuff and just relax.....

[herbgeek]

fwiw- I actually found being in management to be less stressful, as I had more "control" over my destiny, my schedule, and the things I chose to do. I could fix the things that bothered me. ( I'm horribly introverted, but no one ever believes that because I'm not shy, and I have at least a modicum of social skills.)

[SiouzQ.]

I would have NO control over my schedule and work load as a supervisor, just a sh**-ton of extra responsibility. I just now FINALLY have a fairly consistent schedule (6am to 2pm, Wednesday's off and either Saturday or Sunday off). They are looking for a night-shift supervisor and having started there working the 2:30 to 10:30pm shift, I know just how brutal that afternoon shift is ~ ALL customer service non-stop and then cleaning up the mess after. At least with the am shift we have 2 hours of customer-free time to reset the deli case (stressful in itself due to the time crunch involved) but it is peaceful there in the mornings usually.

I can't wait until somehow (I don't know how, I'll probably be working until I am 80) I can retire, or work part-time and do my artwork/jewelry as another source of income. I guess I am moving in that direction, albeit slowly, but at least I am producing and starting to sell. Gotta start somewhere!

[gimmethesimplelife]

"Today I will not should all over myself."

I'm not sure who said that, but I've discovered "should" is a dangerous word. It assumes and depersonalizes.

DW and I have been learning how to manage our energy levels over the past few years. We've concluded that work itself is fundamentally different than it used to be: every organization is getting by with as few people as possible even if they are trying to grow their business. There were/are many evenings when we got home just exhausted from the pace of the
day. In addition, there are so many opportunities to interact with people, which is great if you're an extrovert, but neither of us are. And the years have an effect as well. It's tougher to bounce back from extreme levels of activity and we're finding that getting enough sleep is critical.

Some of it, I think, is that, for various reasons, both of us downshifted maybe into one gear too low and it's hard to get back in a higher gear. But it is what it is. We have on occasion changed social plans (when we're not the hosts) when we feel we just don't have it in us to go and do that thing. We've scaled back project plans to address the reality of our energy levels (and, sometimes, "should" levels). It's sometimes a bit scary to think we'll pick up speed as we coast further down the hill of increasing age. But it is what it is.I think you called it as it is - that work itself has fundamentally changed. Even as a waiter, work has changed. Servers are secret shopped much more often these days and their prior shift's sales results at many places determines how good (or bad) of a section you will have your next shift. This tends to make many places very cutthroat and hostile now.....in addition to this, some tasks that bussers used to do - such as mopping and cleaning bathrooms - your server gets to do in many places, and in many states at under minimum wage. Complain and find yourself made uncomfortable to the point where you end out leaving.

This is SO different from the Clinton years and also the real estate boom years here in Arizona. I can remember a time when a waiter actually wielded some power over his employer as he was difficult to replace. Boy, are those days ever gone!

And I'm sorry I have drifted off topic a bit here. I just had to comment here as what Steve posted really resonated with me, and I had never put these thoughts to words - that the nature itself of work has very much changed. Rob

[JaneV2.0]

It was starting to change when I left work (the nineties), and not for the better. ALL the power lies in the hands of the employer now--workers are just expendable widgets, for the most part. Every day I give thanks I was able to escape.

[gimmethesimplelife]

It was starting to change when I left work (the nineties), and not for the better. ALL the power lies in the hands of the employer now--workers are just expendable widgets, for the most part. Every day I give thanks I was able to escape.There's a good argument for self employment right there if ever there was one! Rob

[SteveinMN]

There's a good argument for self employment right there if ever there was one! Rob
I figured moving to another company, even as a contractor, was just going to be the same [stuff] on a different day. My answer was to move out, not sideways. I realize not everyone gets that choice, though.

[Spartana]

Well this is my average weekday: get up about 8am sometimes reset alarm and sneak in another 1/2-1 hour, then when get up: make tea, get ready for work: bathe, get dressed, maybe do something with my hair etc.. If I haven't reset the alarm I often take some leisure time, often this is nothing more than wasting time on the internet and I could cut down a bit on this, sometimes it's journaling for 1/2 hour or walking (if I don't walk then I do tend to later in the day but morning walks are nice), get my lunch ready (it's already made usually, it's just about putting it a transportable container etc.). Head off to work about 9:30, 1 hour or so getting there (about 50 minutes of that in the car). Work 10:30-7:00 with 1/2 hour lunch. 1 hour getting home, it's 8 o'clock when I get home. Warm up dinner (unless I sadly haven't even planned enough to have leftovers ready to go). Eat dinner. Then do the various things I do in the evening: waste too much time on the internet, cook future dinners and lunches, do chores like laundry, continue to learn stuff for my career (slow progress that, because it's not what I WANT to do after a long day's work), stare at the wall, lie around, read books here and there. Occasionally I spend weeknights with others, but most nights aren't.

And I don't have the energy for much else except on weekends, when I do do more. It's really becoming clear to me in my mind, I'd rather earn a lot less (and no a lot less isn't poverty and I don't want poverty) for a job near home with not too much stress and not the really insane overtime requirements this job has (it's not a lot of overtime but it's at 3am and 4am in the night!). But it doesn't mean I can actually get such a job, jobs being hard to come by these days.

I know you rent a place by yourself but have you ever thought of just renting a room near your job? It would probably be much less expensive - save the moolah to make your escape sooner - but it would also save both fuel and maintenance on your car and, most importantly, time. That extra 2 hours or so a day spent NOT commuting would make life much better. I know living with a roommate can be a pain but that extra free time and cost savings would be worth it imho.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I know you rent a place by yourself but have you ever thought of just renting a room near your job? It would probably be much less expensive - save the moolah to make your escape sooner - but it would also save both fuel and maintenance on your car and, most importantly, time. That extra 2 hours or so a day spent NOT commuting would make life much better. I know living with a roommate can be a pain but that extra free time and cost savings would be worth it imho.

Really I didn't even intend to be at this job that long (that long is a couple of years - and yes I've been at jobs a lot longer but it depends on the job, of course). But I have. The roommates thing would be difficult.

[Spartana]

Really I didn't even intend to be at this job that long (that long is a couple of years - and yes I've been at jobs a lot longer but it depends on the job, of course). But I have. The roommates thing would be difficult.Yeah roommates can be a pain but it can often be temporary. I got 2 of them when dh and I divorced (I kept the house, all 6 pets and the full mortgage, and he got the paid off sailboat to live on and moolah from me for his share of the house) and their money was a huge help. Once I got on my feet financially and had the debt to ex-dh paid off, house paid off, and some cash saved I promptly kicked them to the curb :-)! Haven't had a roommate since except for my sister - who I currently share a house with - although she rent a room near her work (really a small private studio apt) during the week. So for me having roommates was worth the temporary hassle but can see it's not for everyone.

[Spartana]

Wake up at 5:15 am. At work by 6:00. Work my butt off. Get off around 2:00 or 2:30. Run a few errands/grocery shop/whatever on the way home. Eat something (lunch/early dinner, I'm never really sure). Mess around on the computer. Shower/or not these days (I know this sounds gross to some but sometimes I realize I haven't showered in two or three days. I don't think I am offensive though). Then I think about dragging myself out to actually do something with real people but think better of it because I just cannot get myself to leave the house these days unless it is to go to work or procure food. So I usually get involved with making jewelry for my fledgling side business or otherwise totally occupy my time being by myself at my house.

Rinse. Repeat. :) Sounds like you may be suffering a bit of depression. Can you try to do something physical right after work - like a walk or bike ride? I find doing that helps most people not only re-energize, but feel physically and mentally better about themselves and their lives.

[SiouzQ.]

Thanks Spartana, I've thought about getting a gym membership again but I am holding off until I know what is going to happen with my knees. By the time I get off work I am very tired and have a lot of knee pain that is getting more aggravated by extra activity in addition to my strenuous job. Before the weather turned cold I was doing a bit of walking later in the day but I have to be very careful right now; I cannot jeopardize my being able to work right now until the new health insurance benefit year starts ~ by then I will have short and long term disability in case I need to have knee surgery or something.

I've asked myself if I think I am depressed but I don't feel really sad or anything, mainly, I am just plain tired all the time. I am just really isolated these days; my life style is about a 360 degree turn from what it used to be back in the days of working in the guitar shop and hanging out at the bars doing open mics and staying out really late. Because I work so early now and I cannot go out at night because I need to go to bed by 10pm. I can't believe just a few short years ago that is when I left the house to go out at night!

I think another thing is that I don't really have a social group anymore; people in their '50's don't "hang out" as such. We all stay home at night and go to bed early! And then it is doubly hard due to connect with others due to my loner-artist personality to find like-minded people. Most of the time I am pretty comfortable with the changes my life has taken in the last year or two; I am healthier in some ways (quit smoking and rarely drink anymore) but as I age, the wear and tear of my joints is really starting to crop up and put a crimp in my life. And winter in Michigan is another reason for me to stay holed up in my cozy house - it has been damn near impossible for me to leave the house after dark and get into my car with my guitar and drive to an open mic. I am going to try it tonight but it is REALLY easy for myself to talk myself out of it...

[mtnlaurel]

Thanks Spartan, I've thought about getting a gym membership again but I am holding off until I know what is going to happen with my knees. By the time I get off work I am very tired and have a lot of knee pain that is getting more aggravated by extra activity in addition to my strenuous job. Before the weather turned cold I was doing a bit of walking later in the day but I have to be very careful right now; I cannot jeopardize my being able to work right now until the new health insurance benefit year starts ~ by then I will have short and long term disability in case I need to have knee surgery or something.

SQ - Do you like being in water? I feel so free in the water and have loved doing water aerobics & other water exercises on my own. If the gym you join has an indoor pool, give it a try.
It's so much easier on my knees & joints.
And if all else fails I just go and do the "triathlon" of floating in therapy pool, followed by hot tub, then steam room. It makes me feel better for sure on a cold night.

[Gardenarian]

Are you still having to get up really early every morning?
My life changed when I went from a morning schedule to afternoon/evening. I had so much more energy.
There is no turning this night owl into a lark.