View Full Version : How to deal with age? Turning 30.
So I am nearing the age of 30 and I am beginning to feel my age and IT SUCKS! How do you deal with age? What ones have been hard or not hard and how do you put it all in perspective?
I just saw a guy on tv playing an old dad type WHO is my age and 10 years ago was playing the KID! (I realize hollywood can have any age play any age, but still).
Also.... I am seeing seniors in high school (that I didn't think I was too distant from) look like they are 5th graders instead! Wow, I see I am MUCH older than them now!
I NEVER intended to be as old as I am now.
Guys grow cold, as girls grow old, and we all loose our charms in the end, but square cut or pear shaped, those rocks won't loose their shape, diamonds are a girls best friend!
loosechickens
3-10-11, 10:13pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......(sorry), but from the ripe old age of 69, boy does 30 seem "wet behind the years" still.
Although I still remember how badly my sweetie needed a hug after he made a presentation at his old high school (he was maybe about 35 at the time), and a pretty young thing was assigned to take him around. He twinkled a bit at her and said "you know, I went to this high school", and she said "when did you graduate?" and he told her and then she said, "ohmigod, I wasn't even BORN then", and his resulting "droop" took about three days to get over.
Ya know what? You're not only not old, you are just ENTERING the period of your life where you'll have the most self confidence, abilities, skills and sexiness AND will be able to enjoy it. Not to worry.....You've got many good years left before you're past your "sell date".
Every decade just keeps getting better as you continue to mature and gain wisdom. You are just finishing childhood and beginning the really fun years.
I NEVER intended to be as old as I am now.
I hate to ask how you intended to avoid it.
I don't mean to make light of this - you feel what you feel. But average life expectancy is 77-78 (?) these days so you might as well start to plan for that. ;)
Yer only as old as you feel, kiddo. I agree, sometimes I can't believe how old I've become either (56) but only because I'm having a much better time than I thought I would at this age!
Get with it, dude.
I swear I'm the only one of my same-age friends (I'm 32) who doesn't feel that way. I FREAKING LOVE my 30s. Hell yes. I feel....respectable. :) Or at least respected. :) I feel young enough to do whatever I want and old enough to know what that is. My 20s were a fantastic ride and I have plenty of good stories from them, but I was so ready for this. I am more comfortable in my skin than I could ever have imagined. Welcome to this side of the aisle Dude! It's a beautiful place to be.
I loved my 30s! It's a great decade. I think women look especially beautiful in their 30s. Enjoy!
ApatheticNoMore
3-11-11, 2:24am
"Feel one's age", when I hear that phrase, I think of old aching bones and stuff ... And I certainly don't feel old physically. Now full disclosure once in a while my bones do ache but that's happened since my 20s, it's rare, and well it usually is related to treating myself very badly (ie eating NOTHING BUT junk food for days on end) or for a different kind of ache - taking long walks in uncomfortable shoes. Most of the time I don't "feel my age" though or I wouldn't post about dancing around my place. And I have a lot more physical energy than I did when younger.
But the whole psychological dealing with age is a whole other matter .... and I do find it a bit of a struggle. Because I do find it very easy to say "I'm too old for this, I'm too old for that ....." and write myself off because of my age.
30 is a hard age to turn. And as for the larger question I don't by any means see aging as an easy thing to deal with it's just that ... 30 is not old. I'm in my mid-30s btw.
Wildflower
3-11-11, 3:29am
I remember approaching turning 30 and thinking I would be really "old", but now at the age of 53 I have to say that now is the best time of my life. :D So many things are good in my life and there is alot I now know just doesn't matter.... I am very comfortable in my own skin, don't care what anyone thinks about me anymore, have a wonderful, loving and passionate relationship with my man (yes, sex is still great, sometimes even better as you age) :~) and I am debt free!! I am interested in everything around me, still learning something new everyday, and feel vital in every respect!!
Enjoy your life, heydude, and don't worry about getting older. It beats the alternative in my opinion. ;)
My great grandfather died when he was 98. He'd shoed several of his horses the afternoon before he passed away, and the day before had run a pack of beagles in some field trials on horseback... Most of my grandparents die in their late 80s/mid-90s.
You're just getting warmed up at 30. In my late 40s, I'm stronger than I was at 30, in better shape, can cook better, shoot better, fight better, love better, play my musical instruments better, and just about everything else, better. Maybe not better on the theoretical physics or mathematics, but I've been busy at other things.
goldensmom
3-11-11, 6:27am
I don't remember turning 30. I do remember that my 30's were great but I would not want to be any younger than I am now (50's) nor would I want to do any of it over again. I've always had respect for age and wisdom. While fairly certain of the age part I hope to also get the wisdom part someday.
I deal with aging by breathing in and breathing out.
heydude, I'm nearing 30 as well and I've definitely felt some changes, both good and bad! I care less about what other people think, love that I'm actually starting to feel like an adult, and am getting used to my changing priorities and interests. That said, I've had more little niggling health issues in the last two years than ever before! Not fun.
It seems daunting, but there's so much to look forward to! Many of my friends are scared of 'losing' their youth and want to put off 'adult responsibility' for as long as possible, but I'm pretty excited about this next phase of my life.
I loved my 30s, too. Early 40s now, wonderful as well. Age is just a number.
I NEVER intended to be as old as I am now.
I'm not sure what you mean by this. Did you intend to die before you hit 30 or something? Because that's the only alternative. Aging is inevitable, just like death. I realize that our culture likes to deny both of those realities, but it won't serve you well to buy into that denial. Good luck!
The only thing better than turning 30 is turning 40......and then 50.....and then....60....etc. Life! Enjoy it!
My husband always says "I intend to turn 89, anything after that is a bonus".
30s were probably my best decade except for 50s and onward which are turning out to be much better. I didn't care for 40s. I think we all mourn a little for lost physical youth. It's the changes inside that either bring you joy or not as you get older.
I'm not sure what you mean by this. Did you intend to die before you hit 30 or something? Because that's the only alternative. Aging is inevitable, just like death. I realize that our culture likes to deny both of those realities, but it won't serve you well to buy into that denial. Good luck!
I think he was just joking around :)
I work with a guy who just turned thirty and it kind of freaked him out too; I think he was really mourning the loss of his quite irresponsible twenties and was feeling like the party was coming to an end...well for him, it really needs to, at any rate! He'd be much better off without all the partying!
I like my forties in many ways better than I liked my thirties; and am now looking at turning fifty this year! I am going through some incredible changes lately; they are not always comfortable to face but I am excited about what will be next for me, whatever it may be!
Sad Eyed Lady
3-11-11, 10:13am
Someday you'll look back and realize how YOUNG 30 was! I will be turning 60 in October and so far no age has bothered me in the least. I still feel good, am in great health, take no prescription medication, and so why should a number upset me? Enjoying life is not tied to the number of birthdays or a number on the scales, but in how you live each day. See how wise you get when you get near 60? LOL!!!!!
This thread reminded me of two quotes my long departed father used to say when he was in his 60s:
Youth is wasted on the young and
If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
catherine
3-11-11, 10:35am
I tell my kids (now in the 25-32 age range) how GLAD I am not to be young anymore. Three of them broke up with SOs this year, very painful experiences. They're all trying to figure out their career paths. They have no time for anything--busy to the hilt. Obviously they're all healthy and happy and that's great, but "to everything there is a season" and I'm glad I'm Fall right now.
My 20s were fun, but newly married, young kids, extremely tiring
My 30s were completely and utterly devoted to my children/husband with no time for myself
My 40s were a time of exploring what I wanted to do and I started a mid-life career change that I loved (at 46)
My 50s have been a time of just mellowing and enjoying my job and my family and not taking life so seriously, picking and choosing what's important to me, KNOWING what's important to me, and watching the rat race from a different vantage point.
Physically, I'm very lucky that I have no health issues. Don't ask me to climb a mountain tomorrow, but I can do a mean downward facing dog.
I think the biggest transitions in my life were adolescence (of course--that's earth-shaking for everyone), but also, the 50-ish transition that I think really hits women more strongly than men. So navigating the psychological implications of leaving child-rearing behind took a little adjustment and introspection, but I made it out alive.
you are still young and have time to prepare for retirement. Get on it and be ready to retire early. I am 55 and have so many aches and pains from arthritis that I don't know how I am going to be able to work until 67 (my ss retirement age). Live frugally and put away enough to be able to enjoy the freedom that comes from not being a slave.
treehugger
3-11-11, 11:05am
I feel young enough to do whatever I want and old enough to know what that is. My 20s were a fantastic ride and I have plenty of good stories from them, but I was so ready for this. I am more comfortable in my skin than I could ever have imagined. Welcome to this side of the aisle Dude! It's a beautiful place to be.
Yes, this exactly! I'm 36, by the way. Of course, it also really helped to enjoy my 30th birthday that my husband thew me an epic surprise party (50 guests in our backyard to listen to our favorite band who he had flown up from LA) and that I am married to someone 3.5 years older so he always gets to hit the age milestones first. ;)
Great advice from everyone here. Just learn to enjoy the ride, cause it only gets better.
well said, catherine! ITA!
ApatheticNoMore
3-11-11, 12:28pm
I may well care less about being responsible as I get older. As the oldest child (much older than my sibling) I was born responsible and moral and all that, I've already done decades and decades of that (when I was 21 my chief concern was being self-supporting as fast as possible and I sacrificed readily for studies because they mattered a lot more than anything else after all). Now I just can't do it so readily, life needs to have some fun and be more rewarding.
My oldest turned 30 last month. Not bad, but the OMG thing hit me a bit harder than when I turned 30.
treehugger
3-11-11, 12:47pm
My oldest turned 30 last month. Not bad, but the OMG thing hit me a bit harder than when I turned 30.
Yes, I feel like others' age milestones hit me harder than my own. E.g. my younger siblings (each about 9 years younger) can't possibly be old enough to get married and have children?!? Or when I hear about kids I used to babysit having kids. *That* makes me feel old, even though I don't actually feel old, KWIM?
loosechickens
3-11-11, 1:13pm
Tenngals comment made me think to say this.......do you have any idea how incredibly fortunate you are to have discovered Simple Living and its emphasis on no debt, or getting out of debt, socking money away, etc., at this early age? It means that if you institute these practices on an energetic level, you have the incredible advantage of TIME for the wonders of compounding of returns on investments, meaning that you have the TIME for even modest amounts of savings to grow to big savings by the time you need them to retire, which, if you choose, can be many years before the "normal" age.
you have the best parts of your life ahead of you, heydude......believe it or not. And by discovering and acting on simple living principles at this early age, you'll be FAR more prosperous, have far more freedom, be able at a relatively early age to walk away from stressful jobs, do what you like and still have money to enjoy anything you want.
We didn't start this life until my sweetie was 30 and I was 38, but by the time he was 42 and I was 50, we were able to walk out the door to adventure, traveling and living nomadically in Mexico and Central America, and have never had to hold "regular jobs" or do anything for money that we didn't want to do for the fun of doing it, and the fact that money came along with the project was just icing on the cake. We've had total freedom for the past almost twenty years, because we did that saving ferociously in our thirties.
Truly.......stop worrying. It's a complete myth that life is over at 30......I'm from the age where the mantra "don't trust anyone over 30" was ascendant, and honestly, it was a crock then and it still is now. You're gonna be just fine.
So I am nearing the age of 30 and I am beginning to feel my age and IT SUCKS! How do you deal with age? What ones have been hard or not hard and how do you put it all in perspective?
I don't deal with age or try to put it in perspective. Age just doesn't seem to be my core barrier to stuff.
I do have other issues that I do have to deal with.
My current practise with dealing with my issues probably would also apply if I needed to deal with the concept of aging. I learn to practise mindfulness, working to focus on the present moment as much as I can, and watch my monkey brain try to spin out of the present moment as much as it can.
IMHO each significant milestone can be a bit of a shock. It helps me to contemplate both the gains and the losses. Yes, my physical limitations have increased. OTOH, certain expectations have mercifully faded away. At 56, people no longer think I might have a child, go back to school (again), undertake some terrific feat like climbing Everest... Granted older people sometimes do these things, but it is rare enough that I no longer sense any expectation that I will do so. I feel more relaxed, less driven, and more able to enjoy the present as it is.
It seems funny to hear someone worry about turning 30. It's been nearly 30 years since I was 30 and I honestly believe that life has only gotten better and more rewarding during that time. I'm still young enough and physically able enough to do everything I want to do, plus I get to enjoy the confidence and peace that age and experience provide.
Rather than lament your 30's, I'd suggest you look forward to your 40's and beyond.
Gingerella72
3-11-11, 3:53pm
I'm kind of going through the same thing approaching 40 now (I'm 38). I have a neverending feeling that I'm running out of time. I have to constantly remind myself that it's never too late to reinvent myself. I work at a university so I'm constantly surrounded by young people. In my head I still feel like I'm 20, but being around actual 20 yr olds is a sobering (and sometimes humiliating) experience.
I'm 69 and stil llove my age,if it was not for some problems with DH health it would be perfect.However we should of course count on some thing happening when we get to 69.I think 30 is just starting out .Try to have fun no matter what age you are.
Anita
When I turned 30 I felt the same way.
My 20's were okay. Nothing to complain about.
My 30's were getting darned good.
My 40's have been simply amazing. I'm stronger, faster, smarter, calmer, happier, wiser than I ever was. I make more money, have more time, and don't freak out about things like.....well.....like what other people think.
I can't wait for my 50's. Can't. Freakin'. Wait.
I wouldn't trade places with you for all the diamonds in the world. But I hope you find some way to love where you are on every step of the journey, rather than worrying about these artificial milestones the media and your friends would like you to freak out about.
Shucks I'm planning on living 'til at least 150 so I figure I'll just measure my age in decades instead of years. :D
Madsen, when I first read your post I thought you said "I'll just measure my age in decibels instead of years"
I kinda like that too, to be honest :D
I never really thought about "getting older" until I was 31. That birthday hit me hard - I have no idea why - why not 30? Why not wait until 40? But I felt old. But then the rest of the 30s leveled out and passed just as calmly as any other year. I'm 42 now. Lots of people kept teasing me about turning the "BIG 4-0" a few years ago, but it really didn't bother me. Just enjoy every day to your best and don't worry about the number.
It seems funny to hear someone worry about turning 30. It's been nearly 30 years since I was 30
It's been over 20 years since I was 30 and I'm still 30 :-)!! It's all about perspective. I just had my 54th B-Day and spent that day playing beach VB (yes, in a bikini!), riding my mountain bike, and dancing the weekend away in some Vegas night club. I believe some small amount of booze was involved but can't really remember :-)! My point is, that getting older not only won't kill you, it can be just as great and fulfilling of a life as it was when younger. Don't dwell on what you are losing, rejoice in all that you have and will continue to have in the future.
I work at a university so I'm constantly surrounded by young people. In my head I still feel like I'm 20, but being around actual 20 yr olds is a sobering (and sometimes humiliating) experience.
Ha Ha! I remember when all my friends said that having kids will keep you young. But now that all their kids are in their teens and 20's or older, they said they feel ancient! Since I don't have kids I never think about my age at all - until I see their adult kids. Didn't I use to baby sit that kid, like, last year? :-)
ApatheticNoMore
3-19-11, 1:05am
I remember my parents saying kids will give you gray hairs. Hmm no kids, no gray hairs .... coincidence? :laff:
Well really people in my family don't go gray early (they didn't have kids early either :~)) so it's really just genetics.
For me, the 30's were great. When I turned 30, I was in a new job, was nearing 180 lbs (5'2.5" female). Over the next decade I got healthy, lost weight, had a baby, changed jobs again, and had a great time. I started running, ran 2 half marathons and a 10miler (plus shorter races), and mostly conquered my fear of swimming and did my first triathlon.
Then I turned 40 and it all fell apart. ;)
Seriously, I've injured my hip from running, and my knee. My 45-year old doc (I'm still 40) told me if I INSIST on running (which I haven't done more than 2x since August), I'll need orthotics, special exercises, a knee brace, and lots of up close and personal time with a foam roller to stretch my IT band. It's frustrating to figure out what I can and can't do.
Top it all off, my husband went on a one week business trip and came back with gray in his beard! :0! He shaves daily, but still. :D
I wouldn't change it for the world, though. I used to laugh at 40-somethings who talked about how they fell apart, figuring that they were whining or not taking care of themselves. Now I'm learning that I need to be a LOT more diligent and careful to avoid injury (um, stretching anyone?)
Ah, beach volleyball...that's what having kids has taken away from me. I wouldn't play in a bikini (not in my 20s either!) Pre-kid, we got together with 3 to 10 friends and played every week. Now we're down to 4 adults and 3 kids...if we could find another couple, we could do doubles and take turns watching the kiddos.
You gotta keep having fun though! So I don't play volleyball anymore...I can still do other stuff.
Ah, beach volleyball...that's what having kids has taken away from me. I wouldn't play in a bikini (not in my 20s either!) Pre-kid, we got together with 3 to 10 friends and played every week. Now we're down to 4 adults and 3 kids...if we could find another couple, we could do doubles and take turns watching the kiddos.
You gotta keep having fun though! So I don't play volleyball anymore...I can still do other stuff.
Most of the people I play with (both men and women) bring their kids with them and play anyways. I play doubles so there is always someone off court to keep an eye on the kids. Most of them are youngish parents in their 20's and 30's and are SAHP so they can play any day - great for an old retired person like me. And nowadays I usually wear shorts and a tank top or jog bra when playing. Don't want to hear the sounds of children screaming in horror or scar their little minds or burn out their little eyes:-)!
I've dealt with age by reading Look Me In the Eye by Barbara MacDonald and Cynthia Rich and seeing the DVD Look Us in the Eye by Cynthia, Manny Garza and one other. These are about women as objects of ageism--including our own.
Gardenarian
3-24-11, 7:04pm
Hi there -
There are a few (very few) things that become more difficult when you turn 30. You can't hold your liquor as well, and your hangovers get so bad that you start to wonder if it's really worth it. You can't stay out all night and be fresh and chipper the next morning. That's about it, really. If you take care of yourself you can be in really good shape for decades.
Exercise, eat right, wear a hat in the sun, save your $$, have fun, give love. You'll be fine.
Hi there -
There are a few (very few) things that become more difficult when you turn 30. You can't hold your liquor as well, and your hangovers get so bad that you start to wonder if it's really worth it. You can't stay out all night and be fresh and chipper the next morning. That's about it, really. If you take care of yourself you can be in really good shape for decades.
Exercise, eat right, wear a hat in the sun, save your $$, have fun, give love. You'll be fine.
Ha ha ha! I noticed the hangover thing by my mid-20s. Now at 35 I don't really like having more than a couple of drinks at a time. It was 35 that hit me hard, possibly because it was on the downside of a big life upheaval that happened a couple years earlier. I understand what you're talking about...it can happen at a particular birthday or when you're talking with someone younger and they make a reference to something (like I had a grad student tell me the other day that Jurassic Park came out when she was like 5! What came out when I was like 5? Star Wars) or a survey you answer and then you realize you can't mark the youngest category any more or nobody even tries to card you when buying beer. I'm thinking this is something I'll get used to? But yeah, it's a shock. I think your thirties might be a time when you feel not quite old enough to be "mature" but not young enough to be "young" so it's sort of a no-man's-land feeling. For one, I'm hoping my 40s are better; these 30s have been fair to middling so far.
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