The Simple Life v. Bieber

[catherine]

Well, Bieber isn't the only one (although he's the one in the news these days). I'm thinking also about Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and all the wonderful children who started out like the rest of us and wound up .. well, you know. Just kind of messed up.

It's interesting to me because I was a stage mom for many years. My son was in plays in Lincoln Center (as was my daughter). My son was also in a movie shot in iris lily's home town, as well as a couple of other movies. My son's projects were with really well-respected people: Steven Soderbergh, Adrian Brody, the Sopranos team, Gerald Guttierez, Sam Waterston, Lynn Meadow, among others. My daughter was right up with Lindsay Lohan for The Parent Trap--it was between her and Lindsay and we know who won.

However, I'm not sure Lindsay won. DH and I have talked about this and consider that we probably dodged a serious bullet.

So the point is.. are these media disasters another case in point for how when we lose the simple life, what are we losing? What do our kids lose by ignoring the basic elements of the Good Life in pursuit of fame? I feel badly for these kids. But it makes me glad that I drove my kids' manager crazy by turning down auditions if they were on the same day as a neighborhood birthday party. It makes me glad that they never "made it."

At the same time, I know my son probably gained something but also lost something--he burnt out of a career he was pretty successful at.. at 19 years old. His identity was wrapped up in his acting.. and I feel like when that was gone, he was a little bit lost. He's recouped a good bit, now that he's living in VT, which I always thought was a good fit for him.

The main question is: If we depend upon popular culture for our entertainment, are we feeding into a system that dooms people by idolizing them? What is our responsibility? This is free market, and these young actors can come and go as they please, as my kids did, but youth + fame seem to be a big recipe for disaster.

How do you encourage the good life with your kids? When it comes to raising them, where do you draw the line between the simple life and popular culture? Do you feel your kids need protection from society? If so, in what ways?

[SteveinMN]

I'm not sure the way the kid turns out is entirely up to parental upbringing or fame/success/lack thereof. I think most of us know a family in which the parents did a decent (if not exemplary job) and one/most of the kids turned out fine and one had problems. I don't think parents can take credit for all the good; nor do they get the blame for all the bad. Similarly, there are plenty of kids who were exposed to levels of success like Bieber's/Cyrus'/Lohan's/etc. and did not make train wrecks of their careers. In fact, quite the opposite.

Christina Aguilera is about the same age as Britney Spears. Christina has never created the headlines that Britney did. In sports, players like Sidney Crosby in hockey and Joe Mauer in baseball went right from high school to all-star turns on pro teams and managed to do so without leaving a trail of failed drug tests and crashed supercars.

If nothing else, the likes of Justin Bieber and Lindsay Lohan serve as cautionary tales that a lot of talent, a lot of fame, and a lot of money do not necessarily a happy life make. So one might consider being satisfied with what one has.

[Gregg]

I feel that kids need protection from people who will take advantage of them (in any way). That layer of insulation while they learn the ways of the world is, IMO, one of the more critical tasks a parent can take on. The script for these kids flying off the deep end when they get into their late teens & early 20s is so predictable that you almost have to figure its by design. They can't play the part of the child star anymore since their not children. Technically anyway. Have to do something to keep your name up in lights. The whole entourage needs their paychecks and there's that pesky contract with the studio... It all ads up to spell out why I try to remain detached from that side of our popular culture. I don't like reading the stories and the most effective vote I have against more being produced is to keep my resources out of the mix.

[razz]

I look at Wayne Gretzky and know that his parents were deeply involved in his life in a very supportive way all their lives and Wayne talks about this support. He is having some challenges with his own kids trying to deal with fame.
It is tough to be a star whether in the media or financial guru or sports. There is a lot to be said for being ordinary in lifestyle but tough to choose if given other options.

[catherine]

That layer of insulation while they learn the ways of the world is, IMO, one of the more critical tasks a parent can take on.

I totally agree. Razz mentions Wayne Gretsky, and there's also Ron Howard as a great example of a child with parents who knew how to keep him grounded. Even if the child isn't a "star," I think you have to provide just the right combination of support and firm boundaries.

[iris lilies]

And yet--what about Jennifer Lawrence who it a current media darling and seems to have a very good head on her shoulders at age 22 or 23? And then Taylor Swift, my god, what a focused young lady! She wanted to write songs from the time she was a kid--talented and focused. Was Taylor Swift one of those American idol girls? I can't remember.

Sheer "pop" culture isn't interesting but plenty of mainstream, well written and produced items are worthwhile.

[iris lilies]

I totally agree. Razz mentions Wayne Gretsky, and there's also Ron Howard as a great example of a child with parents who knew how to keep him grounded. Even if the child isn't a "star," I think you have to provide just the right combination of support and firm boundaries.

Ronnie Howard grew up in a different time, he's my age, and things were simpler then and the pressures not so outrageous.

catherine, what do you thing of the life trajectory of the young man who played Tony Soprano's son? He has had a hard time with no show biz success (not that he's necessarily looking for show biz success), if I'm to just from the gossip on IMDB.

[gimmethesimplelife]

This isn't quite the same, what I am about to post, but in a way there are parallels. My Junior Year in high school I sat next to a girl in Algebra named Charlyn Speros, whose father owned Speros Construction company - at the time a big construction company in Phoenix. This young woman once bragged that she spent $16K on clothes the year before - that would be 1982 - and never once wore anything twice, at least not visibly. I was utterly flabbergasted as less than 16K entered the household I lived in during 1982. I said, no way, that can't be true. So she brought in receipts, not for everything, but enough that I started believing it. This gives you an idea of the background of the woman I speak of.

I heard years later that she lived a very tragic and messed up life, drinking, doing drugs, getting married and divorced three times by the age of 34. Not the same thing as the pressures of Hollywood but there was a time when this young woman was in the papers quite a bit in Phoenix. She was dating the son of the owner of the Phoenix Suns and then married the son of a big car dealership well known in Phoenix. But the money and that life didn't make her happy and I can only imagine how much more so that could be for these young kids who have all this money and all this fame before they have the skills to begin to comprehend and deal with it. Rob

[Gardenarian]

I've often wondered why success does this to young people. They seem to have it all, and are driven down a path to self destruction.
There are a few good role models - Will Smith, Taylor Swift (so far.) Probably more than I can think of, but they don't get as much press as the wastrels.
Quite a few homeschooling parents I know really want their kids to be famous - they push them like crazy, get them agents, etc.
I don't understand.

[catherine]

Ronnie Howard grew up in a different time, he's my age, and things were simpler then and the pressures not so outrageous.

catherine, what do you thing of the life trajectory of the young man who played Tony Soprano's son? He has had a hard time with no show biz success (not that he's necessarily looking for show biz success), if I'm to just from the gossip on IMDB.

Yes, Robert Iler was a cute kid and got to be in a few commercials prior to his Sopranos gig, but unfortunately, in my mind, he lacked the acting chops of the others on that show. I'm thinking that he got the hint--the writers didn't really give him much to do. In fact, we always wished he was more talented, because more work for my son might have come his way.

So, perhaps that played into his misbehavior in his late teens. But according to my son, he was a nice guy to speak with, though.

[Tiam]

Well, Bieber isn't the only one (although he's the one in the news these days). I'm thinking also about Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and all the wonderful children who started out like the rest of us and wound up .. well, you know. Just kind of messed up.

It's interesting to me because I was a stage mom for many years. My son was in plays in Lincoln Center (as was my daughter). My son was also in a movie shot in iris lily's home town, as well as a couple of other movies. My son's projects were with really well-respected people: Steven Soderbergh, Adrian Brody, the Sopranos team, Gerald Guttierez, Sam Waterston, Lynn Meadow, among others. My daughter was right up with Lindsay Lohan for The Parent Trap--it was between her and Lindsay and we know who won.

However, I'm not sure Lindsay won. DH and I have talked about this and consider that we probably dodged a serious bullet.

So the point is.. are these media disasters another case in point for how when we lose the simple life, what are we losing? What do our kids lose by ignoring the basic elements of the Good Life in pursuit of fame? I feel badly for these kids. But it makes me glad that I drove my kids' manager crazy by turning down auditions if they were on the same day as a neighborhood birthday party. It makes me glad that they never "made it."

At the same time, I know my son probably gained something but also lost something--he burnt out of a career he was pretty successful at.. at 19 years old. His identity was wrapped up in his acting.. and I feel like when that was gone, he was a little bit lost. He's recouped a good bit, now that he's living in VT, which I always thought was a good fit for him.

The main question is: If we depend upon popular culture for our entertainment, are we feeding into a system that dooms people by idolizing them? What is our responsibility? This is free market, and these young actors can come and go as they please, as my kids did, but youth + fame seem to be a big recipe for disaster.

How do you encourage the good life with your kids? When it comes to raising them, where do you draw the line between the simple life and popular culture? Do you feel your kids need protection from society? If so, in what ways?


I've seen the Harry Potter kids say in interviews that they felt like the world was just WAITING for them screw up. The expectation for them to fall and become a complete screw up was enormous. And they didn't.

[Packy]

I don't think Biebers' case is all that rare in one respect--lots of young guys get into minor trouble, like he has, and they usually grow out of it. So, okay--he's not goody-goody. Maybe, just maybe He's actually trying to cultivate an image of a more macho tough-guy, to counter his soft, high-pitched singing voice and non-rugged appearance. Sinatra kind of did the same. The thing that sets Bieber apart, is that he is rich and famous and at a very early age;we envy him, and find it very easy to criticize him for not setting a good example, and so on. He did not come from an affluent background, did he? Handling wealth is a big responsibility. And, last but not least----adulthood is not just an aribitrary number prescribed by law.

[Janean]

This isn't quite the same, what I am about to post, but in a way there are parallels. My Junior Year in high school I sat next to a girl in Algebra named Charlyn Speros, whose father owned Speros Construction company - at the time a big construction company in Phoenix. This young woman once bragged that she spent $16K on clothes the year before - that would be 1982 - and never once wore anything twice, at least not visibly. I was utterly flabbergasted as less than 16K entered the household I lived in during 1982. I said, no way, that can't be true. So she brought in receipts, not for everything, but enough that I started believing it. This gives you an idea of the background of the woman I speak of.

I heard years later that she lived a very tragic and messed up life, drinking, doing drugs, getting married and divorced three times by the age of 34. Not the same thing as the pressures of Hollywood but there was a time when this young woman was in the papers quite a bit in Phoenix. She was dating the son of the owner of the Phoenix Suns and then married the son of a big car dealership well known in Phoenix. But the money and that life didn't make her happy and I can only imagine how much more so that could be for these young kids who have all this money and all this fame before they have the skills to begin to comprehend and deal with it. Rob


Charlyn Speros passed away at the age of 30 on May 17, 1998. She died in a car accident along with her niece, Jamie Lynn Wiersum.
Her father died in January of this year, 2016.