The Prom

[Gardenarian]

We are lucky to live where there are enough homeschoolers to have an actual Homeschool Prom. My daughter is old enough to attend this year and is all in a tizzy about it - very exciting!

To those who have been through this, do the parents usually pay for the tickets and clothes? (There will be no limousines, corsages, manicures, or other stuff.)

I am also a little concerned that there may be alcohol and/or marijuana. Of course we have talked about these things a lot, but in the heat of the moment teenagers have been known to make poor decisions. (We will be doing the driving, so there is not that worry at least.) I know I can't keep her sheltered forever, though sometimes I'd like to. (She's almost 15.)

She is hoping for a certain boy to ask her, but will probably go with a group of friends.

DD hasn't decided what she is wearing yet - it will almost certainly be something from the thrift store, though she may want new shoes. I already agreed to pay for her hair, as she is overdue for a haircut anyway.

Thoughts?

[catherine]

I'm sure the answers will differ wildly, but I did pay for my DDs dress, but not for her tickets. I probably paid for her hair also, but that's it.

Can't remember if I paid for DS's suit/tux (can't even remember what it was) when he went. The other two boys didn't go to their proms, so I was off the hook.

How exciting.. it's fun to have a big event like that to look forward to. Is DD going to have you help her shop?

[rodeosweetheart]

This sounds really fun, and it';s great there is a homeschooling prom. I am assuming it is chaperoned, so no need to be concerned about alcohol and marijuana at the event itself? When my boys went to prom, there were afterparties that parents organized that were liquor free and fun activities so the kids could stay up all night and go to breakfast. Is there something like that already in place? If not, you might want to look into hosting something.

I would think paying for hair, shoes, a dress, flowers, unless a boy takes her and then he would bring flowers. I paid for my boys' tuxes and they were working so they bought the tickets. Tickets were expensive. Maybe I paid for the really expensive one, but I know I did not pay for second son's tickets. My sons also paid for dates' tickets, but they were sort of old fashioned.

Take lots of pictures--I did not and I am sorry I did not. One of their date's parents did, and I found them the other day and showed them to him and his wife and she was kind of taken aback by how opulent it all looked. Now I don;t know where the heck I put them, so I'll probably find them when his son is going to prom.

The second son was a classic kind of in the gym prom at a very small high school. But they did tuxes, too.

[CeciliaW]

I'm really trying to figure out how to say this in a positive helpful way so here goes nothing - Keeping a 15 yr old girl innocent and sheltered sets her up for all kinds of problems. She's an easy target if she doesn't know about 'things' and how to deflect or see through the bs that 15 yr old boys can use. I don't know for sure but I bet the old "If you loved me you would... " line is still going around.

Proms can be wonderful, so-so or just tragic. I really hope she has a wonderful time with good friends. This is such a hopeful bright time in most young people's lives.

I'd pay for the dress and the hair and maybe a little treat just for her too.

Cecilia

[bae]

I'm really trying to figure out how to say this in a positive helpful way so here goes nothing - Keeping a 15 yr old girl innocent and sheltered sets her up for all kinds of problems. She's an easy target if she doesn't know about 'things' and how to deflect or see through the bs that 15 yr old boys can use.

+1

For some reason, most of the local boys seem afraid to ask out my daughter, who is now 17. Here she is at 14...


https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-rVGUcWV1sog/T1u8-bhXT3I/AAAAAAAAErQ/Eksf54YbKGo/s400/IMG_0386.JPG

The ones who do display interest do not seem to be "boys", but rather "young men".

[rodeosweetheart]

"I'm really trying to figure out how to say this in a positive helpful way so here goes nothing - Keeping a 15 yr old girl innocent and sheltered sets her up for all kinds of problems. She's an easy target if she doesn't know about 'things' and how to deflect or see through the bs that 15 yr old boys can use. I don't know for sure but I bet the old "If you loved me you would... " line is still going around. "

Sure, some boys will probably do that. I think that is why you continue to shelter a girl in the sense that you look out for her, drive her to the prom, pick her up from the prom at that age, monitor what is going on in the prom, and keep a close eye on things. That is what I thought sheltering to mean? But definitely explain to her that some boys will say things like that, and it may not mean what it means to her. Talk to her about sex and about the dangers, emotional and physical, involved with entering into the dating scene. But at that age, you are still watching over her closely, and I think that's a good thing.

And it cuts both ways, parental involvement. I can remember my sons coming home at that age and talking about a girl who was bragging about her parents going out of town and having parties and getting drunk. And I remember my sons, who didn't drink in high school, saying, "Can you imagine, they don;t care enough about their daughter to watch out and see what';s going on, to set limits, they don't even know."

My sons said I was very overprotective which I think sheltering implies. But now, they are happy with how things turned out, so I think parents should oversee both boys and girls very closely, especially at that young an age.

16 was the youngest my kids were allowed to date. I remember the oldest turned 16 and asked a girl out the next day! The others were very shy and didn't start dating till probably 18? One is still shy and not that confident with women, the other two are married, both to the second girl they dated.

Maybe I scared them off of girls, now that I think of it. They were really responsible about girls' feelings, though, not at all like the boys that BAE and Cecilia are talking about.

[lmerullo]

That time in life is so filled with life lessons and experiences... I went to my first homecoming dance in freshman year. I remember wanting the exact same dress / look as my best friend. Back in those days we would call each other every morning to ask what we were wearing. So much of our self worth was tied up in clothes, etc... being "in" and following the crowd - true peer pressure.

However, by the next year I was past all that and very independent. Made my own decisions... went to the next formal dance in a vintage 1940's style dress that had been my mom's.

Back to the OP - tread carefully around what your daughter will want. Ask her questions about why she wants it... if you hear "everyone else is doing it" - then use that as a conversation opener. There are times when its appropriate to be one of the herd, and others where one should make their own decisions. With a parent's guidance, these areas can be explored.

[Gardenarian]

Thanks for your feedback!

Since we homeschool, my dd is not exposed to the usual round of peer pressure, and has never been in situations where drugs, smoking, or alcohol would even be options.
Re-reading my post I realize that I sound like a helicopter parent, but frankly my friends and co-workers are all impressed by how independent my dd is.
She is attending community college and has spent more time away from home on adventures than most kids her age. She recently went on a wilderness survival trip to Death Valley. She can field-dress a deer, skin a coyote, build a fire with a hand or bow drill, is a Tae kwon do ace, frequently performs on stage (solo and with her rock band) and has her own blog and her own face-painting business.

She has never had a need to learn street smarts, but I think knows enough - from reading, our own conversations, and hanging around with her friends - to make good choices. It probably won't be an issue at the prom either, but I thought it worth mentioning.

I also wanted to add that I did encourage her to ask the boy to the prom herself, rather than passively waiting for him to take the initiative. She is considering it.

I guess I'll go ahead and pay for the whole thing (within limits. No pricey one-time shoes.) It will be a lot of fun for all of us.